Disclaimer : After long hours of revisiting older posts on this blog, one striking fact caught my livid attention. The first paragraph of any post has never had to do with the title or the topic I intended to cover. Beating around the bush and boring the faithful reader has been my way of causing disappointment (like the Indian team's way at England recently) So what I propose is that I will do away with the first paragraph from this time around (oops! ok...from the next time around) and come to matters straight.
Predicting the future is an art and yours truly has spoken many times earlier about this particular talent and its money making prospects. And like my view on many other forms of art, I am convinced that each of us should try our hands at it some time or the other. Prediction - according to my mobile dictionary, refers to the art of foretelling future events with no precision and all confidence. For example, the next Indian batsman's injury, the result of by elections in our constituency, the next poonam pandey who will rise to fame when England tour India, what scheme implemented/proposed by karunanidhi would Miss Jayalalitha call off and so on and so forth.
Kris Srikanth once called himself a wise predictor when he was interviewing with Rahul on Headlines Today about Indian team's R.I.P performance during the recently concluded England series. I request the reader not to confuse Rahul with one Mr. Arnab of Times Now fame. The latter is like a hot air balloon - full of gas. Rahul talks but he seldom farts. Coming back to Srikanth, Apparently he predicted India's world cup win months before the opening ceremony. My guess is he wanted to be the Paul (Octopus). In comparison, I somehow feel that Paul is a much more informed and prudent predictor than Kris for two reasons:
1. Paul didn't talk shit. He just hugged national flags
2. Kris doesn't have 8 legs
I don't have any prejudice against Kris the predictor, but I have a fair amount of bad experiences when it comes to his interviews on TV. He uses certain cliched phrases like 'Boss don't ask questions to increase your TRP', 'Dude you are joking', 'See, I am not here to talk for BCCI (who else would you talk for??) etc. Those are still ok. He once went to the extent of calling Sreesanth a bowler. I mean, there is a limit to talking non sense and that last one was over and above that limit.
But ironically, what I am going to do now is throw a few random predictions. But I would do my best to try and do the same Non-Krisically
A.) Harris Jeyaraj to become CEO of Microsoft.
Harris Jeyaraj is a successful music director in south Indian film circles. Now don't hit me with that rod. That is not my personal opinion. That's what they say out there. For now, take that as a given and come to analyze his core competencies. He is a maestro when it comes to researching about Latvian, Angolan, Japanese and Ethiopian music. His talents in picking up songs from the aforementioned genres and employing them with no changes whatsoever are immaculate. 'Boss', one cannot tell a HJ song from its Latvian original. So with such precision in lifting others' work/property he is definitely one who is tailor made to run a company like Microsoft. They are masters in that ball game and talk in my part of the town is that they have copyrighted Ctrl+C owing to their contributions in the field.
B.) Shahid Afridi to replace Manmohan Singh
Indian democracy is going through really tough times and people around the country are slowly coming to terms with scams, lies and more with unprecedented pace. Now such a situation is very tough for any government to handle and the work of the moment is for the Prime Minister to talk. This, precisely, is what Manmohan is not ready to do. He just wouldn't budge. Meetings in my office these days start with a mandatory decree that attendees put their phones on 'Manmohan Mode'. So the starkly contrasting personality in Afridi would probably be the panacea to our democracy's various ills at this point. He appears without summon anywhere and everywhere. What's even better? He talks and talks a lot with a superior sense of humor. He recently claimed that he has seen Sachin's right foot tremble when Shoaib Akhtar started taking run ups. How ingenuous. He could be our answer to the war of words in diplomatic matters with Pakistan. For instance, he could go and say He once saw Narendra Modi wear a white linen hat and do namaz at Thousand Lights mosque in Chennai. Gilani would probably call it truce if he hears such words.
Last but not the least,
C.) I would write my 101st post before Sachin gets his 100th ton.
D.) Following up on C, I predict that no one would realize I have littered this web space about hundred times and I still have a reader who doesn't give up on me (Thanks dude!. You make my day)
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Wednesday, 12 October 2011
Thursday, 29 September 2011
Hide and Seek. Where is the catcher?
The game of hide and seek has pretty simple rules. One person stays out at large while the others look for shrubs, shelves and staircases for a hiding. But the basic tenet will be defeated if the catcher himself goes hiding. This, if you come to think of it is like of of those infinite loops that you find in our code at work.
for( int i=0;i>-1:i++{
repeat....
till computer crashes.....
}
If you get my drift, the game extends to infinite time if the catcher goes hiding. This is the way out for an inept catcher to get off the hook and insult the players and that strategy is more often than not employed by street smart catchers who play this version of hide and seek. Now, that particular act is detrimental to the welfare of the game and the people playing it. One cannot keep breathing once every two minutes and hold his sneeze for decades together when under a bush full of mosquitoes. Sooner or later, he has to sneeze and the sound would awaken somebody else in the surroundings who would spot him in a very embarrassing position.
This, to be precise is what is happening with our government's quest for India's most wanted man. To draw the lines and complete my analogy. Our government is more like this catcher who inexplicably goes behind the screen and takes the rest of the country by surprise. Chota Shakeel and Anees Ibrahim are more like this random person who finds the hiding individual in a grotesque corner and blows the horn.
In fact Chota has similarities to my dad and this particular game is much like one I have played before. The sequence of events unfold thus:
1. I tell my dad that my brother is the catcher and that he wouldn't blow my horn as I hide behind his retreating chair.
2. I hide behind the chair and do breathing exercises with less or no sound.
3. My brother finishes counting 100 and opens his eyes (not that he was closing it till then, one corner saw the light after counting 27 actually)
4. He comes straight to dad who is reading the newspaper and signals to him. Of course the signal is understood by all. And like all, my dad understands it. He rolls his eyes to see I am watching and then turns his attention back to his paper.
5. His left finger is inadvertently pointing towards the rear part of his chair and my brother who can more or less put two and two together walks towards me and catches my shirt collar.
6. I resign to defeat, curse my dad and breathe a heavy sigh. Remember, I have been doing breathing exercises all this while. Ironically those exercises involve more of holding breath rather than letting the air go. So it is inevitable that I breathe like a gaping dog as soon as I get caught.
The Dawood story, as I try to meander back to the topic of this writing is strikingly similar to the aforementioned one from my diary until step 5. As with many bollywood movies these days, only the climax is different from the English version which was used as a reference. Chota plays my dad in this scintillating affair and does a favor to TRP hunter Rahul Kanwal of Headlines Today fame. He didn't point his finger in this particular instance but he dialed the number and said it all openly. There is so much talk about death of free speech in Pakistan these days but what is interesting to note is that there is no death of free speech about Pakistan. The don's palatial white house in Karachi hosted a high profile marriage and Chota was unexpectedly the spokesperson for this grand event as he spoke to Headlines Today with all candor.
Excerpts:Headlines Today: Several rumours regarding the wedding have been doing the rounds since April, May...
Chhota Shakeel: That is not correct, the wedding date was fixed and the wedding took place on that date.
Headlines Today: When did the nikaah take place and when was the reception?
Chhota Shakeel: 23rd September, Friday...
Headlines Today: What was the date of the nikaah?
Chhota Shakeel: 25th September, Sunday...
Headlines Today: Sunday was the dawat-e-walima?
Chhota Shakeel: Yes.
Even as the wedding and the reception got over, Dawood now plans to throw a gala reception.
Headlines Today: There are reports that you are planning a big reception?
Chhota Shakeel: We have not decided yet. If we do have one, we will let you know. In fact, we will send you an invitation.
Headlines Today: Will there be a reception or has the reception already taken place?
Anees Ibrahim: Reception is yet to take place.
Headlines Today: Will you hold the reception in London or in Dubai?
Anees Ibrahim: Delhi, Dubai or Nepal.
Possible Reactions
P.Chidambaram : I condemn the marriage. Such marriages are an insult to our relationship with Pakistan. They should have done it in Mumbai.
Pranab:This is a disgrace to Pakistani government's tactics. We told them not to float pictures on the internet.
Renuka Choudhary : Now we have a clue about his whereabouts that have eluded our intelligence bureau hitherto.
Sonia : UPA is determined to arrest the Dawood from Karachi in Gujarat (huh? at least she didn't say italy) in the next twenty four hours. But Mr. Modi is plotting against it and we will do the needful.
Manmohan : ............
....
.....
....
Still waiting for a response?
Poda, I won't repeat the rules once again!
He is the catcher. He will go hiding!
for( int i=0;i>-1:i++{
repeat....
till computer crashes.....
}
If you get my drift, the game extends to infinite time if the catcher goes hiding. This is the way out for an inept catcher to get off the hook and insult the players and that strategy is more often than not employed by street smart catchers who play this version of hide and seek. Now, that particular act is detrimental to the welfare of the game and the people playing it. One cannot keep breathing once every two minutes and hold his sneeze for decades together when under a bush full of mosquitoes. Sooner or later, he has to sneeze and the sound would awaken somebody else in the surroundings who would spot him in a very embarrassing position.
This, to be precise is what is happening with our government's quest for India's most wanted man. To draw the lines and complete my analogy. Our government is more like this catcher who inexplicably goes behind the screen and takes the rest of the country by surprise. Chota Shakeel and Anees Ibrahim are more like this random person who finds the hiding individual in a grotesque corner and blows the horn.
In fact Chota has similarities to my dad and this particular game is much like one I have played before. The sequence of events unfold thus:
1. I tell my dad that my brother is the catcher and that he wouldn't blow my horn as I hide behind his retreating chair.
2. I hide behind the chair and do breathing exercises with less or no sound.
3. My brother finishes counting 100 and opens his eyes (not that he was closing it till then, one corner saw the light after counting 27 actually)
4. He comes straight to dad who is reading the newspaper and signals to him. Of course the signal is understood by all. And like all, my dad understands it. He rolls his eyes to see I am watching and then turns his attention back to his paper.
5. His left finger is inadvertently pointing towards the rear part of his chair and my brother who can more or less put two and two together walks towards me and catches my shirt collar.
6. I resign to defeat, curse my dad and breathe a heavy sigh. Remember, I have been doing breathing exercises all this while. Ironically those exercises involve more of holding breath rather than letting the air go. So it is inevitable that I breathe like a gaping dog as soon as I get caught.
The Dawood story, as I try to meander back to the topic of this writing is strikingly similar to the aforementioned one from my diary until step 5. As with many bollywood movies these days, only the climax is different from the English version which was used as a reference. Chota plays my dad in this scintillating affair and does a favor to TRP hunter Rahul Kanwal of Headlines Today fame. He didn't point his finger in this particular instance but he dialed the number and said it all openly. There is so much talk about death of free speech in Pakistan these days but what is interesting to note is that there is no death of free speech about Pakistan. The don's palatial white house in Karachi hosted a high profile marriage and Chota was unexpectedly the spokesperson for this grand event as he spoke to Headlines Today with all candor.
Excerpts:Headlines Today: Several rumours regarding the wedding have been doing the rounds since April, May...
Chhota Shakeel: That is not correct, the wedding date was fixed and the wedding took place on that date.
Headlines Today: When did the nikaah take place and when was the reception?
Chhota Shakeel: 23rd September, Friday...
Headlines Today: What was the date of the nikaah?
Chhota Shakeel: 25th September, Sunday...
Headlines Today: Sunday was the dawat-e-walima?
Chhota Shakeel: Yes.
Even as the wedding and the reception got over, Dawood now plans to throw a gala reception.
Headlines Today: There are reports that you are planning a big reception?
Chhota Shakeel: We have not decided yet. If we do have one, we will let you know. In fact, we will send you an invitation.
Headlines Today: Will there be a reception or has the reception already taken place?
Anees Ibrahim: Reception is yet to take place.
Headlines Today: Will you hold the reception in London or in Dubai?
Anees Ibrahim: Delhi, Dubai or Nepal.
Possible Reactions
P.Chidambaram : I condemn the marriage. Such marriages are an insult to our relationship with Pakistan. They should have done it in Mumbai.
Pranab:This is a disgrace to Pakistani government's tactics. We told them not to float pictures on the internet.
Renuka Choudhary : Now we have a clue about his whereabouts that have eluded our intelligence bureau hitherto.
Sonia : UPA is determined to arrest the Dawood from Karachi in Gujarat (huh? at least she didn't say italy) in the next twenty four hours. But Mr. Modi is plotting against it and we will do the needful.
Manmohan : ............
....
.....
....
Still waiting for a response?
Poda, I won't repeat the rules once again!
He is the catcher. He will go hiding!
Thursday, 28 July 2011
Mallu 007
Disclaimer : I spoof a lot of things on my blog and elsewhere and this is only one of those which are totally pun intended. So I request my mallu friends to take it like a man with whiskers. I mean, in that rightly valiant spirit that defines a man. I have pieces for other states too. Leaving them for the future, he is this one on Kerala.
We do this annual trip to Sabarimala and I have been doing it for about 20 years or so. It would do injustice to my diary if a page doesn't go towards Kerala and my observations there by and large.
We do this annual trip to Sabarimala and I have been doing it for about 20 years or so. It would do injustice to my diary if a page doesn't go towards Kerala and my observations there by and large.
- Both the CPI and Congress in the state have done nothing whatsoever to make amendments to the rule that men should wear a mustache to get their name on the state census. In fact, babies born with mustaches (One happened in July, 1968) are considered true and patriotic malayalis without any additional levels of screening.
- Shaving, as a routine or time pass is more or less considered criminal and as people from civilizations like ours do not wish to commit sins by and large, they brush aside the need to shave. Last time they saw a razor is recorded around 1848, when razors were much talked about owing to the period of French Revolution.
- Talking of razors and the historical bit associated with it, school text books in Kerala have a chapter dedicated to this lethal weapon and it has been gathered from underground channels that that particular chapter is to be marked with a double star and pages highlighted with a permanent marker. The razor subject is a very important question in the state board exams.
- Jesudas is a guy who non keralites find it tough to identify though he is a famous name and all that in musical circles (not musical chairs, the circles where those oldies talk about Kalyani, Sankarabharanam and the like). Simple reason : The beard. It has triggered an identity crisis in the state.
- Malayalam is a wonderfully sexy language. My first ever crush was on a malayali girl way back in my 4th grade or something and ever since, the language flows like music in my ear when someone speaks it. I am like, I go wowwww..so cute.... when someone says something like nyaan toylet poyi ippo kazhuvi vannu. The only other language that I classify under the 'sexy' category is bengali. (My second crush was from Calcutta)
- They don't cook in Kerala. Period. Unless one considers fish, meen, karuvadu and those related things as food, that is. Nothing else is edible, including their rice (The big, thick grains that I have always found heavy to carry from plate to mouth.)
- The way they put garlic and chilli powder in all and sundry eatables in Andhra, these chicks from the Kerala kitchen like to have their servings with coconut. The dishes may categorize under 'sweet' or 'savory'. Doesn't matter much.
- The lungi is one thing that is strikingly common between the tamils and keralites. But the color in the latter's is mind boggling. They are artists by birth. I mean, that category of modern arts and the corresponding artists. With all colors and nothing else on the canvas. But there is one stark difference. They don't prefer the pattapatti (striped boxer) under the lungi unlike tamils.
- Owing to the proximity to Kerala, tamil, which is an otherwise not so beautiful language in my humble opinion, sounds sweet in Kovai and Nellai districts. But no, I have not had girl friends from those areas broadly.
- The architecture of houses and villas in Kerala are just too good and they give an optical illusion of gulf money on their facade at first look. Glittering outers, just like currency notes.
- The amount of vegetation in Kerala is second only to the amount of vegetation on the upper lips of protagonists in Wodehouse novels. Bertie's occasional vegetation pips theirs once in a while. But otherwise, Kerala has a clean record of being on the top.
- One of the many reasons why I respect Kerala as a state is the vast difference in the quality of banana chips. They are not like the ones we get from the Kerala Bakery on Usman Road. Speaking of food, Nairs there, are just too good in their chai recipe. The nairs with shops on street corners in Chennai are mere imposters.
- Kerala stays close to my heart for one more reason. That is the only other state (first one being tamil nadu) on the map of india where the alphabets 'z' and 'h' make sense in combination. As in Kozhikode and Alapuzha. No one else can say it right. One of my colleagues from Bihar is taking a crash course from me on that, but he is not a bright student and not coping too well, I should say.
- Last but not least, how can I miss the 'koooffi', 'oomane', and other similar pronunciation patterns, if you get the drift. Sweeeeet! I can give anything for those sweet syllables uttered by that hot
Menon babe..I forgot her first name.
Tuesday, 7 June 2011
I am going on an indefinite hunger strike!
These are testing times, the ones that we live in..this day, in this age. The uncommon are becoming the common and man is rediscovering his own, true self by doing what his so-called uncivilized ancestors did during the ages of kings and kingdoms. Anna Hazare's fast, it must be said, has created prospects for lively debate and enthralling discussion. His, and his supporters' basic idea is to incorporate extra-constitutional methods into the dynamics of today's politics and democracy. But the question is whether such displays of peaceful revolts and fast-unto-death stunts subvert democracy to any minor extent. The answer IMHO is no.
The one that followed is even more interesting. The emperor of a 1000 crore yoga empire triggered an agitation on lines very similar to the previous one by Anna Hazare. The major difference being the amount of practicality in the demands laid down on the table in either cases. This and such things which are more to come in the years to follow pique me to a very large extent. More so, when they align with the order of the day in this modern world full of Egyptian uproars, Yemeni agitations and Libyan protests. So, to be frank, I am actually amused by this idea of going on fasts and strikes. It is an unnerving display under the holy banner called representational democracy. Prima Facie, the idea is a thought provoking one. When elected representatives cannot act as the voice of their electorate, the representatives (part of the electorate) shall take the sword. Here in one such instance, I have taken the pen, which we all know from the adage, is mightier than the sword. So I am going on an indefinite hunger strike until my demands below are met.
1. I want my boss to give me some peace of mind everyday at work.
2. I want to inherit a non-existing, 100 crore fortune from my dad right here right now.
3. I want a 40% hike in my next performance appraisal cycle.
4. I want a loyalty bonus, amounting to 10% CTC marking every year's completion at my workplace.
5. I want a promotion.
6. I want good weather in Chennai, for 8 out of twelve months in a year.
7. I want to date that hot chick who coos on the phone during those weekly client meetings.
8. I want to work from home 4 days a week. (I'd show up at work on all thursdays, when we have that client call)
9. I don't want someone else to set deadlines for projects that I am involved in.
10. I want my boss's boss's boss to reprimand my boss's boss. He is not behaving like I would expect him to.
11. I want to make a trip to Switzerland in the month of may next year. I would like it to be funded by my company.
12. I don't like the color of my HP Compaq monitor at work. I want a macbook instead.
13. My Sony Ericsson mobile phone fell into a bucket of water recently. Though I got it repaired for 1300 bucks, I want a new IPhone 4. I am not happy with a scarred piece.
14. I want the option to outsource the work I get and get cuttings for them.
15. I want to eat Double Cheese Margherita from Dominos before I go on to write the 16th point on this bucket list.
16a. (I'm still waiting for my pizza. Please revisit the previous point before proceeding)
16b. I saw my neighbor go to work on an Audi Q5. I am not a greedy person. Hence i am asking only for an Audi Q4. Note the difference. Not a 5. 4 would do.
17. I want my company to fund that business idea of mine (the one on that concept coffee shop) as part of their ingenious ideas funding policy.
18. I would like to be relieved from my current job once that business discussed above breaks even.
19. I want my best friend who is getting married sometime soon to visit me every weekend even after his doomsday.
20. I want my company to look into the above 19 points and sign on the dotted line on or before my appraisal date.
...........................................
Disclaimer : I am going on an indefinite hunger fast, if you had forgotten about that particular fact. As a result, I would not sleep for more than 10 hours a day, will not eat more than 4 times a day, will not visit office/office related people until the fast is called off, will not open Eclipse IDE even on my personal laptop, will uninstall VPN client that enables the work from home option.
In addition, I will have to be paid an inconvenience charge for all that I am enduring in the testing times that are going to follow this full stop here.
P.S : My fast begins. Followers can queue up behind that red sofa which is diagonally opposite that LCD TV in my a/c bedroom. A humble request to prospective followers. Please practice ahimsa. We live in a democratic country fathered by MKG.
The one that followed is even more interesting. The emperor of a 1000 crore yoga empire triggered an agitation on lines very similar to the previous one by Anna Hazare. The major difference being the amount of practicality in the demands laid down on the table in either cases. This and such things which are more to come in the years to follow pique me to a very large extent. More so, when they align with the order of the day in this modern world full of Egyptian uproars, Yemeni agitations and Libyan protests. So, to be frank, I am actually amused by this idea of going on fasts and strikes. It is an unnerving display under the holy banner called representational democracy. Prima Facie, the idea is a thought provoking one. When elected representatives cannot act as the voice of their electorate, the representatives (part of the electorate) shall take the sword. Here in one such instance, I have taken the pen, which we all know from the adage, is mightier than the sword. So I am going on an indefinite hunger strike until my demands below are met.
1. I want my boss to give me some peace of mind everyday at work.
2. I want to inherit a non-existing, 100 crore fortune from my dad right here right now.
3. I want a 40% hike in my next performance appraisal cycle.
4. I want a loyalty bonus, amounting to 10% CTC marking every year's completion at my workplace.
5. I want a promotion.
6. I want good weather in Chennai, for 8 out of twelve months in a year.
7. I want to date that hot chick who coos on the phone during those weekly client meetings.
8. I want to work from home 4 days a week. (I'd show up at work on all thursdays, when we have that client call)
9. I don't want someone else to set deadlines for projects that I am involved in.
10. I want my boss's boss's boss to reprimand my boss's boss. He is not behaving like I would expect him to.
11. I want to make a trip to Switzerland in the month of may next year. I would like it to be funded by my company.
12. I don't like the color of my HP Compaq monitor at work. I want a macbook instead.
13. My Sony Ericsson mobile phone fell into a bucket of water recently. Though I got it repaired for 1300 bucks, I want a new IPhone 4. I am not happy with a scarred piece.
14. I want the option to outsource the work I get and get cuttings for them.
15. I want to eat Double Cheese Margherita from Dominos before I go on to write the 16th point on this bucket list.
16a. (I'm still waiting for my pizza. Please revisit the previous point before proceeding)
16b. I saw my neighbor go to work on an Audi Q5. I am not a greedy person. Hence i am asking only for an Audi Q4. Note the difference. Not a 5. 4 would do.
17. I want my company to fund that business idea of mine (the one on that concept coffee shop) as part of their ingenious ideas funding policy.
18. I would like to be relieved from my current job once that business discussed above breaks even.
19. I want my best friend who is getting married sometime soon to visit me every weekend even after his doomsday.
20. I want my company to look into the above 19 points and sign on the dotted line on or before my appraisal date.
...........................................
Disclaimer : I am going on an indefinite hunger fast, if you had forgotten about that particular fact. As a result, I would not sleep for more than 10 hours a day, will not eat more than 4 times a day, will not visit office/office related people until the fast is called off, will not open Eclipse IDE even on my personal laptop, will uninstall VPN client that enables the work from home option.
In addition, I will have to be paid an inconvenience charge for all that I am enduring in the testing times that are going to follow this full stop here.
P.S : My fast begins. Followers can queue up behind that red sofa which is diagonally opposite that LCD TV in my a/c bedroom. A humble request to prospective followers. Please practice ahimsa. We live in a democratic country fathered by MKG.
Tuesday, 10 May 2011
I've found out how he died!
To start with a few things that we all know, Osama bin Laden was holed up in a two-storey house 100 yards from a Pakistani military academy when four helicopters carrying US anti-terror forces swooped in the early morning hours of last Monday and killed him. So, a rather straight forward inference from that bit of news is the not-so-simple fact that the world's most wanted fugitive died not in a cave, but in a town best known as a garrison for the Pakistani military.
US officials said the helicopter raid in Pakistan was carried out by CIA paramilitaries together with the elite Navy SEAL Team Six. The Pakistan Government first came out and said "Hell Yeah, we knew it. How could they have done it without our help??". That statement became public and suddenly an uproar kicked off in pockets towards the north west. Now after going back to the drawing board and formulating a new plan altogether, the Pakistanis decided to alter things and nod their heads to the US' claims that they were indeed caught unawares. So, the stance that they had remained privy to the whole affair was clean and clear bullshit of sorts.
Coming to the dynamics of the whole operation in general, it is claimed that both helicopters and ground troops were involved in the operations. If that is assumed to be true, I don't see any application of brains from the Pakistani side as they CANNOT rule out their knowledge about the operation (Ground Operations mate!. Wouldn't you know if someone was putting his/her hands inside your shirt and tickling your tummy or some part in that vicinity?). But if we go ahead and assume that even this fact was true, it simply means that Americans have been playing at the Pakistani back gates, at their will. Tamil, as a language, is a very beautiful one to say the least. "Ooran Veetu Neiye, En Pondatti Kaiye" naanam. (Literal translation would get close to something like 'Your wife dipping her hands into your neighbor's ghee vessel'). American military is self's wife in this particular analogy and the neighbor (Pakistan) has been a silent witness to the former's exploits.
So, I think it is pretty much safe to assume that Pakistan's military and intelligence leadership knew of his whereabouts and sheltered him. Now, if Osama was being sheltered by some really smart brains in the business (viz. ISI) (Of course they are smart, for they've successfully masterminded about 100+ attacks in their neighborhood viz. Kashmir), then how the hell did US spot him right behind the back of Pakistan's biggest military area?
Tough question I know, and media all over the world is trying to figure out that particular thing. But one of my friends on the internet seems to have cracked the code. He says it has to be one of the two following things.
1. Osama must have come out on the road for some weekend shopping for self and supporters
2. He must've missed the trick in this fast socializing world of tweets and likes and hit the wrong button.
So, with two hypotheses that are really more logical than what the Pakistan Government is rendering to the world by and large, I think some insider should go and offer one of these for an explanation and thereby aim to put all speculation to rest. They can then call themselves a sovereign nation whose primary agenda includes their resolve against "non state" actors. After all, Osama stayed under their nose for 5 years and later gave himself away. No involvement monsieur! Not a single bit of it!
P.S : Now that, would be a really plausible explanation.Think of it.The thing about one hiding under another one's nose. It is difficult for the eye to find him. Try looking down to find the center of your mustache. No, you can't. It is beyond all technological advancements mate! It is also comparable to the worldly accepted fact about Tamil Nadu Policemen and their difficulty to spot the belly button below one's belly, with one's own eyes. If you know what I mean!
US officials said the helicopter raid in Pakistan was carried out by CIA paramilitaries together with the elite Navy SEAL Team Six. The Pakistan Government first came out and said "Hell Yeah, we knew it. How could they have done it without our help??". That statement became public and suddenly an uproar kicked off in pockets towards the north west. Now after going back to the drawing board and formulating a new plan altogether, the Pakistanis decided to alter things and nod their heads to the US' claims that they were indeed caught unawares. So, the stance that they had remained privy to the whole affair was clean and clear bullshit of sorts.
Coming to the dynamics of the whole operation in general, it is claimed that both helicopters and ground troops were involved in the operations. If that is assumed to be true, I don't see any application of brains from the Pakistani side as they CANNOT rule out their knowledge about the operation (Ground Operations mate!. Wouldn't you know if someone was putting his/her hands inside your shirt and tickling your tummy or some part in that vicinity?). But if we go ahead and assume that even this fact was true, it simply means that Americans have been playing at the Pakistani back gates, at their will. Tamil, as a language, is a very beautiful one to say the least. "Ooran Veetu Neiye, En Pondatti Kaiye" naanam. (Literal translation would get close to something like 'Your wife dipping her hands into your neighbor's ghee vessel'). American military is self's wife in this particular analogy and the neighbor (Pakistan) has been a silent witness to the former's exploits.
So, I think it is pretty much safe to assume that Pakistan's military and intelligence leadership knew of his whereabouts and sheltered him. Now, if Osama was being sheltered by some really smart brains in the business (viz. ISI) (Of course they are smart, for they've successfully masterminded about 100+ attacks in their neighborhood viz. Kashmir), then how the hell did US spot him right behind the back of Pakistan's biggest military area?
Tough question I know, and media all over the world is trying to figure out that particular thing. But one of my friends on the internet seems to have cracked the code. He says it has to be one of the two following things.
1. Osama must have come out on the road for some weekend shopping for self and supporters
2. He must've missed the trick in this fast socializing world of tweets and likes and hit the wrong button.
So, with two hypotheses that are really more logical than what the Pakistan Government is rendering to the world by and large, I think some insider should go and offer one of these for an explanation and thereby aim to put all speculation to rest. They can then call themselves a sovereign nation whose primary agenda includes their resolve against "non state" actors. After all, Osama stayed under their nose for 5 years and later gave himself away. No involvement monsieur! Not a single bit of it!
P.S : Now that, would be a really plausible explanation.Think of it.The thing about one hiding under another one's nose. It is difficult for the eye to find him. Try looking down to find the center of your mustache. No, you can't. It is beyond all technological advancements mate! It is also comparable to the worldly accepted fact about Tamil Nadu Policemen and their difficulty to spot the belly button below one's belly, with one's own eyes. If you know what I mean!
Wednesday, 4 May 2011
A Guide to Wembley and after (for Man United, I mean)
Hell Yeah! It is truly fascinating to note that "people" are merrily writing off Manchester United for the final at Wembley on May 28th (After writing off Schalke of course). I request "people" to hold on for a second and listen to a few facts compiled by one fellow reader at Mr. Bean's hometown (should be something to that effect for the kind of humor they produce) viz. F365 (yet again). I have been trying to find out why I am so obsessed with stuff from F365 and not able to avoid mentions or similar analyses or mere lifts from there, in this blog.
Cutting tangent and coming to matter, the compilation that I was referring to goes thus.
Whilst Barcelona play great football, I would suggest that the fact that haven't scored many goals against 11 men in good teams recently means United, if they reach the final, have a good chance, if Ferdinand and Vidic are both fit (and probably also if Darren Fletcher is fit). In the roughly 440 minutes played against 11 men over the recent four El Clásicos and the two matches with Arsenal, Barcelona scored three and conceded five, whilst in the roughly 100 minutes against 10 men, they scored five and conceded one. That's one goal scored per 147 minutes against 11 men and one goal scored per 20 minutes against 10 men. Van Persie's sending off was obviously a mistake, whilst opinion is divided over whether Pepe's offence was a yellow or a red - personally, I think it was an orange at worst. Barcelona also failed to score in 111 minutes against 11 man Holland in the World Cup Final. So the best advice for United? Don't get anyone sent off.
Now, on the contrary, I don't see United winning that game (assuming 11 players keep their feet on the playing field for round about 90 minutes, that is), if they play a tactic like the one in the 2009 final with a 4-5-1 where Rooney plays in the 5s.
While I was drafting this post and when I reached this point in my writing, I took a break for a cup of tea. And the tea, filled with ginger and elaichi, definitely proved to be a good refresher, like one of those magical, instantaneous Jeeves' refreshers. It sharpened my thinking faculties and gave me an idea instantly after consumption. The idea, as it ran through my mind, is as follows. In a guide to Wembley, given the nature of this year's champions league and the two teams by and large, it is more important to add some valuable points to the smaller goal of playing 11 players for 90 minutes for Manchester United rather than the bigger one of winning it. As facts stated above indicate, all suggestions and inferences point to an underlying assumption of playing 11 players from whistle to whistle. Hence, here below, I've listed down a few ingenious ideas that I contrived while plainly thinking over it.
1. Manchester United players will do well if they are handed an extra weapon (a secret one, to be used only during emergencies, though emergency is a phenomenon that is expected to arrive too often than obvious to the human mind in such encounters), The extra weapon is a 3 x 5 plastic card, painted red. They should probably make efforts to understand situations in the match, when opponent players are down to the ground and performing like in the movies. At these junctures, work of the moment would be to exercise their option of using that weapon and showing it to the referee who is in the near vicinity. By doing that, the referee is sent off at that moment and the probability of him showing a red card at the player involved in the recent tackle becomes zero. (A referee cannot use his power and exercise his options after having been sent off)
2. Quick Learners. That is the order of today's modern civilization. Manchester United players should show some tact in quickly grasping theatre skills from their catalan counterparts as soon as possible in the match. So that, if the first half is won by actors from Spain, the second one can belong to the fraternity from England.
3. In the game of counter strike, if you have noticed, it is important to stay together as a team, in order to clinch a tag team shoot out. That principle holds good in the game of football as well. It is important for the players to support one another in times of distress and grief and exchange soothing words to bring down their collective tempers. For, in a match against Barcelona, temper, taken as an emotion, can only be displayed by two kinds of people by the rule book. a.) People who fall under the category of proctors/referees in general. b.) People who represent the most populous city of Catalonia.
4. Repeatedly tell Scholes, (when he is on the pitch) that his role on that day is to be an Attacking (with a capital A) Midfielder and any tactless display of defensive skills is suicidal.
A fifth point has been suggested by a faithful reader of this space and I think it will do justice only if i include that most ingenious idea in this list of mine!
5. United management, wait and see which obscure North European country the referee is from. Once you find that out, you can send him a cable with 'From UEFA (shhhh!)' written on top and the contents being, in code language of course, 'Plan change. United win. Messi red. Barca no give 5m and show middle finger'
With such valuable inputs to the people in red, I am signing off with a cliche viz. "May the best team(not in my opinion, but in UEFA's/referee's opinion) on that day win".
Cutting tangent and coming to matter, the compilation that I was referring to goes thus.
Whilst Barcelona play great football, I would suggest that the fact that haven't scored many goals against 11 men in good teams recently means United, if they reach the final, have a good chance, if Ferdinand and Vidic are both fit (and probably also if Darren Fletcher is fit). In the roughly 440 minutes played against 11 men over the recent four El Clásicos and the two matches with Arsenal, Barcelona scored three and conceded five, whilst in the roughly 100 minutes against 10 men, they scored five and conceded one. That's one goal scored per 147 minutes against 11 men and one goal scored per 20 minutes against 10 men. Van Persie's sending off was obviously a mistake, whilst opinion is divided over whether Pepe's offence was a yellow or a red - personally, I think it was an orange at worst. Barcelona also failed to score in 111 minutes against 11 man Holland in the World Cup Final. So the best advice for United? Don't get anyone sent off.
Now, on the contrary, I don't see United winning that game (assuming 11 players keep their feet on the playing field for round about 90 minutes, that is), if they play a tactic like the one in the 2009 final with a 4-5-1 where Rooney plays in the 5s.
While I was drafting this post and when I reached this point in my writing, I took a break for a cup of tea. And the tea, filled with ginger and elaichi, definitely proved to be a good refresher, like one of those magical, instantaneous Jeeves' refreshers. It sharpened my thinking faculties and gave me an idea instantly after consumption. The idea, as it ran through my mind, is as follows. In a guide to Wembley, given the nature of this year's champions league and the two teams by and large, it is more important to add some valuable points to the smaller goal of playing 11 players for 90 minutes for Manchester United rather than the bigger one of winning it. As facts stated above indicate, all suggestions and inferences point to an underlying assumption of playing 11 players from whistle to whistle. Hence, here below, I've listed down a few ingenious ideas that I contrived while plainly thinking over it.
1. Manchester United players will do well if they are handed an extra weapon (a secret one, to be used only during emergencies, though emergency is a phenomenon that is expected to arrive too often than obvious to the human mind in such encounters), The extra weapon is a 3 x 5 plastic card, painted red. They should probably make efforts to understand situations in the match, when opponent players are down to the ground and performing like in the movies. At these junctures, work of the moment would be to exercise their option of using that weapon and showing it to the referee who is in the near vicinity. By doing that, the referee is sent off at that moment and the probability of him showing a red card at the player involved in the recent tackle becomes zero. (A referee cannot use his power and exercise his options after having been sent off)
2. Quick Learners. That is the order of today's modern civilization. Manchester United players should show some tact in quickly grasping theatre skills from their catalan counterparts as soon as possible in the match. So that, if the first half is won by actors from Spain, the second one can belong to the fraternity from England.
3. In the game of counter strike, if you have noticed, it is important to stay together as a team, in order to clinch a tag team shoot out. That principle holds good in the game of football as well. It is important for the players to support one another in times of distress and grief and exchange soothing words to bring down their collective tempers. For, in a match against Barcelona, temper, taken as an emotion, can only be displayed by two kinds of people by the rule book. a.) People who fall under the category of proctors/referees in general. b.) People who represent the most populous city of Catalonia.
4. Repeatedly tell Scholes, (when he is on the pitch) that his role on that day is to be an Attacking (with a capital A) Midfielder and any tactless display of defensive skills is suicidal.
A fifth point has been suggested by a faithful reader of this space and I think it will do justice only if i include that most ingenious idea in this list of mine!
5. United management, wait and see which obscure North European country the referee is from. Once you find that out, you can send him a cable with 'From UEFA (shhhh!)' written on top and the contents being, in code language of course, 'Plan change. United win. Messi red. Barca no give 5m and show middle finger'
With such valuable inputs to the people in red, I am signing off with a cliche viz. "May the best team(not in my opinion, but in UEFA's/referee's opinion) on that day win".
Friday, 25 February 2011
8 Khon...No Maaf :-|
After a good long hiatus on the cinema front, I did the brave thing by hitting satyam cinemas website and checking out what was on offer. After having read about Vishal Bharadwaj's latest flick and found decent positives on the review, I thought it was a good choice and the guy sitting to my left at this point, seconded that thought. So we ventured out. Ever since man evolved from the monkey, it has been well documented that human emotions are very highly altered by fellow human being's influences. Adding another vindication to that work of history, the third guy in the party at present said "Ok let's go". So it was down to choosing the fourth companion since the movie was decided. "7 Khon Maaf" had become people's choice for the 10:15 PM night show. Like it happens in the 'Usual Suspects', we got our usual companion on the phone and confirmed her presence in the scheme of things.
So, It was me, Laurel and Hardy (using my mom's choice of names for the two guys I always roam about with, ever since I landed at Chennai from Hyd) and the fourth soul gearing up for it. As is often the case with my dad, I was sent out of home at sharp 9:15 PM, so as to "be on time" for the movie. For the uninitiated, my dad has this weird idea of packing off people well before time when it comes to going to the railway station/bus stand to catch a train/bus on a journey. He makes sure we reach the platform at Chennai Central at least a few seconds before the engine driver boards the engine at the shed. Sigh!. One gets the drift here, I suppose. It is such a pain for the victim in point to have to do that long, never ending wait at the end of such crises. So there I was at No.8 Thiru Vi Ka Road, Royapettah, a good 40 minutes before time.
Choosing the very usual way of killing one's time, I picked up my phone and rang up all those friends who I had to pick a good number of threads with, people who I missed to check upon for 2-3 years now, or people who had promised to call me but never did so in the recent weeks. So after all the deliberation, we enter "Seasons" to watch the advertisements that test our patience levels like - Vicco Vajrathanthi (twice), Nathella Samptha Chetty (twice), some random Tamil Nadu police announcements etc. So having gone through a bad phase already, we garnered the interest to concentrate on the movie for the day. Scene 1 enter "Gun", enter "Blood", enter some arbit ghost in human form more on the lines of one of these.
No, do not misunderstand me here. None of these people have played any role in this movie. The make up of our beloved protagonist, madam Priyanka made the trick and delivered the look alike at this juncture. I then realized why the censor board was bent upon giving an 'A' rating for this movie. Not that the certificate is debatable per se, the movie has a good number of scenes worthy of an A rating. But, think of it folks, with people below the age of 18, there his very high probability that they might get scared and/or faint at the very introduction of the heroine. So put your hands together for the diligent censor board rating. Moving further on the review of the movie, which was the initial intention in this post, it moved at nautical speeds for the first one hour. It was like some recursive function that goes like, love, marriage, sex, murder, love again, marriage again, sex again, murder again...With that one line, i think i have done a wonderful precis on the review of the first half of the movie. For the benefit of readers, I did not choose to show the recursive pattern 3 times, to say that 3 iterations of it happened in the first half.
So there it was, Interval, and the message on the screen read "4 more to go". It would be gross injustice to Laurel , if I did not applaud his sense of humor at that very juncture. He contrived to do a rhyme there. "No more folks, shall we go?". I mean, see the "go" and "go". Though Laurel did not get any takers when he cracked that for the first time, in the hope of getting some admirers on this platform, I have posted it here. Laughers at this point, can go and laugh. After all it's interval.
So cutting the tangent, finishing the popcorn and emptying the coke tin, we come to the second half. I would get tomatoes, eggs and what not (those that should have been thrown at plenty towards Priyanka, if one has to be judicious) if I write that recursive function once again to describe the scenes from the second half. Same set of chores, mate. So we come to the climax where we are offered a slight twist. The recursion stopped. This time, our heroine decides to change the order of things. Murder loses its position at the last. She decides to marry someone who cannot be murdered. So as to avoid any spoilers at that juncture, I shall say "Oh Jesus Christ". For the over smart people who think even that was a spoiler, sorry people, you are too intelligent for that movie. Give it a miss.
So there were 7 folks in all. 7th being the one where I chose to leave the suspense as it was. And I would like to add that "murder" was definitely the order of the day, because, guys, the movie itself becomes the murderer in the end and stabs the viewer to make it 8 in all.
Disturbingly fast, bad screenplay, worst acting performances (barring Irfan Khan and Naseeruddin Shah of course)....useless in all. Is this to Vishal Bhardwaj, what Raavan is to Mani Ratnam????
That story was definitely better left in the form of the book from which it has been inspired.
So, It was me, Laurel and Hardy (using my mom's choice of names for the two guys I always roam about with, ever since I landed at Chennai from Hyd) and the fourth soul gearing up for it. As is often the case with my dad, I was sent out of home at sharp 9:15 PM, so as to "be on time" for the movie. For the uninitiated, my dad has this weird idea of packing off people well before time when it comes to going to the railway station/bus stand to catch a train/bus on a journey. He makes sure we reach the platform at Chennai Central at least a few seconds before the engine driver boards the engine at the shed. Sigh!. One gets the drift here, I suppose. It is such a pain for the victim in point to have to do that long, never ending wait at the end of such crises. So there I was at No.8 Thiru Vi Ka Road, Royapettah, a good 40 minutes before time.
Choosing the very usual way of killing one's time, I picked up my phone and rang up all those friends who I had to pick a good number of threads with, people who I missed to check upon for 2-3 years now, or people who had promised to call me but never did so in the recent weeks. So after all the deliberation, we enter "Seasons" to watch the advertisements that test our patience levels like - Vicco Vajrathanthi (twice), Nathella Samptha Chetty (twice), some random Tamil Nadu police announcements etc. So having gone through a bad phase already, we garnered the interest to concentrate on the movie for the day. Scene 1 enter "Gun", enter "Blood", enter some arbit ghost in human form more on the lines of one of these.
So there it was, Interval, and the message on the screen read "4 more to go". It would be gross injustice to Laurel , if I did not applaud his sense of humor at that very juncture. He contrived to do a rhyme there. "No more folks, shall we go?". I mean, see the "go" and "go". Though Laurel did not get any takers when he cracked that for the first time, in the hope of getting some admirers on this platform, I have posted it here. Laughers at this point, can go and laugh. After all it's interval.
So cutting the tangent, finishing the popcorn and emptying the coke tin, we come to the second half. I would get tomatoes, eggs and what not (those that should have been thrown at plenty towards Priyanka, if one has to be judicious) if I write that recursive function once again to describe the scenes from the second half. Same set of chores, mate. So we come to the climax where we are offered a slight twist. The recursion stopped. This time, our heroine decides to change the order of things. Murder loses its position at the last. She decides to marry someone who cannot be murdered. So as to avoid any spoilers at that juncture, I shall say "Oh Jesus Christ". For the over smart people who think even that was a spoiler, sorry people, you are too intelligent for that movie. Give it a miss.
So there were 7 folks in all. 7th being the one where I chose to leave the suspense as it was. And I would like to add that "murder" was definitely the order of the day, because, guys, the movie itself becomes the murderer in the end and stabs the viewer to make it 8 in all.
Disturbingly fast, bad screenplay, worst acting performances (barring Irfan Khan and Naseeruddin Shah of course)....useless in all. Is this to Vishal Bhardwaj, what Raavan is to Mani Ratnam????
That story was definitely better left in the form of the book from which it has been inspired.
Wednesday, 21 July 2010
Pakistan's antisocial networking
As I draft this post, the number of common websites on the internet that have been forced to shutdown in Pakistan has touched double digit figures. Insanity on the part of bureaucrats in Pakistan has rocketed to such a level that "In the name of Allah", they've decided to ban these websites : Yahoo, MSN, Hotmail, Youtube, Google, Amazon, Bing, Facebook, Twitter, In the name of Allah and Islam Exposed. Some of the above websites do have derogatory content and are sure to hurt muslim sentiments undoubtedly. But Google, Yahoo, Bing, Amazon.....I cannot convince myself as to how they would have conjured up reasons for blocking them.
In general, human IQ is not even comparable with that of many other varieties of fauna on earth. It is quintessential for any brain to tell a cat from a dog or a hen from a donkey or some such obvious thing to qualify for human standards. Going by that argument, I can't find human brains in the failed state of Pakistan. These things utterly make the issue insane. What these guys fail to understand is the fact that by banning these websites, they just make people more curious. It is like adding fuel to the fire. That observation is well supported from the fact that Pakistan tops the list in the number of porn or porn-related searches on the internet everyday. For people who haven't come to realize that porn is a contraband thingy, please be aware: Porn as such is banned in many countries around and yea, in Pakistan too.
There cannot be an internet session where one does not use Google search or one of Google's other numerous products. Google is so synonymous to the internet that the phrase "banning Google" can be equated to the phrase "banning Internet". Such policing-of-the-internet stuff has already been proved as a failure in countries with like-(no)-brains such as Saudi Arabia. On a philosophical note and in a generalized sense, "Any idea will have takers and naysayers". So from that point of view, Internet, being such a huge place, it is truly blasphemous to block a search engine on the grounds that it returns search results on derogatory content. Before we come to debate about the derogatory content, lets think about what Google could have done about this thing. A search engine will function as it should. If you don't like it, don't search. Simple. Banning the site?Blasphemous. And back to the content part, what could Bush do when the internet was replete with videos and articles like this, this and this? Answer: Nothing!.
I am not any expert on Islamic studies or anything of a religious sort, but for basics, I know one of the tenets of Islam is about tolerance and patience. These guys do not understand their own religion even as much as I do. What's more intriguing is: I noticed one chap who supports the decision saying:
It gets even better, another guy says banning search engines like Google, Bing, Yahoo per se - is a very good decision but he wants the legislators to give him "an alternate way" to search the internet. Lol! I wonder if entrepreneurs will sense an opportunity here. Anyone up for a start up in the search engine domain?? ROTFLMAO.
I am not able to comprehend that. Some one help me here. I think Pakistan is caught in some time warp and are yet to be welcomed into the 21st century.
P.S: I could not resist the temptation of putting the picture of THIS hairstyle here as pointed out by Vijay.
In general, human IQ is not even comparable with that of many other varieties of fauna on earth. It is quintessential for any brain to tell a cat from a dog or a hen from a donkey or some such obvious thing to qualify for human standards. Going by that argument, I can't find human brains in the failed state of Pakistan. These things utterly make the issue insane. What these guys fail to understand is the fact that by banning these websites, they just make people more curious. It is like adding fuel to the fire. That observation is well supported from the fact that Pakistan tops the list in the number of porn or porn-related searches on the internet everyday. For people who haven't come to realize that porn is a contraband thingy, please be aware: Porn as such is banned in many countries around and yea, in Pakistan too.
There cannot be an internet session where one does not use Google search or one of Google's other numerous products. Google is so synonymous to the internet that the phrase "banning Google" can be equated to the phrase "banning Internet". Such policing-of-the-internet stuff has already been proved as a failure in countries with like-(no)-brains such as Saudi Arabia. On a philosophical note and in a generalized sense, "Any idea will have takers and naysayers". So from that point of view, Internet, being such a huge place, it is truly blasphemous to block a search engine on the grounds that it returns search results on derogatory content. Before we come to debate about the derogatory content, lets think about what Google could have done about this thing. A search engine will function as it should. If you don't like it, don't search. Simple. Banning the site?Blasphemous. And back to the content part, what could Bush do when the internet was replete with videos and articles like this, this and this? Answer: Nothing!.
I am not any expert on Islamic studies or anything of a religious sort, but for basics, I know one of the tenets of Islam is about tolerance and patience. These guys do not understand their own religion even as much as I do. What's more intriguing is: I noticed one chap who supports the decision saying:
"Good news, Google is just an Spy agency who work in favor of the CIA. as well as Yahoo and other shit american websites who trying to damage Islam image.
Down with America"
It gets even better, another guy says banning search engines like Google, Bing, Yahoo per se - is a very good decision but he wants the legislators to give him "an alternate way" to search the internet. Lol! I wonder if entrepreneurs will sense an opportunity here. Anyone up for a start up in the search engine domain?? ROTFLMAO.
I am not able to comprehend that. Some one help me here. I think Pakistan is caught in some time warp and are yet to be welcomed into the 21st century.
P.S: I could not resist the temptation of putting the picture of THIS hairstyle here as pointed out by Vijay.
Thursday, 6 May 2010
Mix Yourself some Whiskey with Soda
Disclaimer: The text that follows is not worth reading if any of the following holds good:
1. Have some work at office for which your manager is right behind your back.
2. Your wife has given you a list of things to buy and you have just lost it. In which case you will have the uphill task of remembering what was there on the list lest you will be massacred.
3. You have planned to read something worthwhile for today and have summarily rejected any content that has no substance.
4. Your day looks so busy that you have planned only a few hours of sleep.
Then please refrain from continuing as i would categorize the following paragraphs as "Something of no essence"
It would not be news to any of the regular visitors of this space as the first few posts on this blog revolved around Wodehouse and his books. I have taken a long enough hiatus from that obsession and effectively refrained from writing on that topic for a while now. The reasons for the hiatus never stand to mean that i released myself from that Utopian, ethereal world of Wodehouse. After a few of my readers reprimanded me for being so obsessed that the blog was filled with praise for Wodehouse and other related posts, I decided to take a break from those topics.
But now, i have garnered the resolve to touch upon that topic once again. No! Do not Panic. This is not yet another book review. This time it is slightly different. As I had nothing worthwhile to do at office on a nice Thursday morning, I did a strange thing. I took my notepad and started penning down a few of Wodehouse's witty ones that came to mind just then. And then I realized I had a nice list: A few good ones from the best of Wodehouse! So here they go.
"The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun"
"Marriage isn't a process of prolonging the life of love, but of mummifying the corpse"
"A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of someone who had searched for the leak in life's gas pipe with a lighted candle"
"He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more"
"I explain this to Jeeves and he said the same thing had bothered Hamlet"
"Her face was shining like the seat of a bus-driver's trousers"
"There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine"
"I always advise people never to give advice"
"You know how it is with some girls. They seem to take the stuffing right out of you. I mean to say, there is something about their personality that paralyses the vocal cords and reduces the contents of the brain to cauliflower."
"Mere abuse is no criticism."
"It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Aged woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required."
Now, I request readers who were erstwhile criticizing my obsession towards Wodehouse to hold off from scathing attacks by way of comments. The post is basically like a mix of whiskey and soda. One needs it at regular intervals. Hence i pictured the 57th post on my blog as an "interval" and thus filled it with this restorative combination.
1. Have some work at office for which your manager is right behind your back.
2. Your wife has given you a list of things to buy and you have just lost it. In which case you will have the uphill task of remembering what was there on the list lest you will be massacred.
3. You have planned to read something worthwhile for today and have summarily rejected any content that has no substance.
4. Your day looks so busy that you have planned only a few hours of sleep.
Then please refrain from continuing as i would categorize the following paragraphs as "Something of no essence"
It would not be news to any of the regular visitors of this space as the first few posts on this blog revolved around Wodehouse and his books. I have taken a long enough hiatus from that obsession and effectively refrained from writing on that topic for a while now. The reasons for the hiatus never stand to mean that i released myself from that Utopian, ethereal world of Wodehouse. After a few of my readers reprimanded me for being so obsessed that the blog was filled with praise for Wodehouse and other related posts, I decided to take a break from those topics.
But now, i have garnered the resolve to touch upon that topic once again. No! Do not Panic. This is not yet another book review. This time it is slightly different. As I had nothing worthwhile to do at office on a nice Thursday morning, I did a strange thing. I took my notepad and started penning down a few of Wodehouse's witty ones that came to mind just then. And then I realized I had a nice list: A few good ones from the best of Wodehouse! So here they go.
"The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun"
"Marriage isn't a process of prolonging the life of love, but of mummifying the corpse"
"A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of someone who had searched for the leak in life's gas pipe with a lighted candle"
"He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more"
"I explain this to Jeeves and he said the same thing had bothered Hamlet"
"Her face was shining like the seat of a bus-driver's trousers"
"There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine"
"I always advise people never to give advice"
"You know how it is with some girls. They seem to take the stuffing right out of you. I mean to say, there is something about their personality that paralyses the vocal cords and reduces the contents of the brain to cauliflower."
"Mere abuse is no criticism."
"It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Aged woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required."
Now, I request readers who were erstwhile criticizing my obsession towards Wodehouse to hold off from scathing attacks by way of comments. The post is basically like a mix of whiskey and soda. One needs it at regular intervals. Hence i pictured the 57th post on my blog as an "interval" and thus filled it with this restorative combination.
Friday, 30 April 2010
Mysore-eh, Nanu Nale Bartha Idini
Firstly, to the Kannada challenged, Bartha means "Coming" and is not to be confused with "Barqha" (that is causing controversies elsewhere in Europe). I find such incidentally confusing words very interesting. I happened to read a blog where the writer was offering an explanation to his usage of the Telugu word "Repu". He quelled any suspicions of foul language in that context by saying "Repu" meant "Tomorrow", in case anybody thought otherwise. Tangential digress full stop. Coming to the Matter!
I will be in Mysore for two days. No, wait. Technically only about 32 hours as opposed to the 24-hour-day that our astronomers have devised based on earth's rotation (I think earth is always high on alcohol. My god. It keeps rotating all the time). I have always wanted to do the traditional "Wildlife Viewing", "Bird Watching" and the "Explore Heritage-ing" that tourists usually do at Mysore. It is also exciting to see the swords that Tipu Sultan wielded (and the artillery/small arms that Hyder Ali umm..safe guarded in the scabbards) while the mighty English were being taken on time and time again.
I have a short list of things to do. But I am not completely satisfied. If there's anything else that is worthwhile doing at Mysore, please let me know.
1. Extensive Bird watching (in the literal sense and otherwise)
2. Take the sword of Tipu Sultan a have a swipe at guides who cheat firangi tourists by weaving lengthy stories about how Tipu used to be called a "thappu"(mistake) by mistake or how in the puritan sense Hyder Ali was not an "ali" (hermaphrodite) per se or some such thing.
3. Watch animals at you-know-where (For the uninitiated, Mysore has a famous zoo)and try to spot 6 differences between this:
and this:
4. Learn a bit of Mysore Kannada (2 parts Tamil, 1 part Kannada, 1 part Telugu).
5. Explore Mysore's varied heritage by inspecting monument walls beneath a magnifying glass and its striking architectural beauty by using altimeters and levelling instruments.
And Yeah, As I am NOT going with any women squadron on this trip,the sales men at the Mysore Silk Emporiums are saved from a flurry of attackers like the one in the Jackdaws who attacked the Nazis. So they can happily do away with
1. Tough Day at Work
2. Challenging and/or non-understanding female customers
3. Lengthy conversations, but no business
4. All of the Above
P.S: Due credit is being given to Krish Ashok for an inspiration in the style of writing.
I will be in Mysore for two days. No, wait. Technically only about 32 hours as opposed to the 24-hour-day that our astronomers have devised based on earth's rotation (I think earth is always high on alcohol. My god. It keeps rotating all the time). I have always wanted to do the traditional "Wildlife Viewing", "Bird Watching" and the "Explore Heritage-ing" that tourists usually do at Mysore. It is also exciting to see the swords that Tipu Sultan wielded (and the artillery/small arms that Hyder Ali umm..safe guarded in the scabbards) while the mighty English were being taken on time and time again.
I have a short list of things to do. But I am not completely satisfied. If there's anything else that is worthwhile doing at Mysore, please let me know.
1. Extensive Bird watching (in the literal sense and otherwise)
2. Take the sword of Tipu Sultan a have a swipe at guides who cheat firangi tourists by weaving lengthy stories about how Tipu used to be called a "thappu"(mistake) by mistake or how in the puritan sense Hyder Ali was not an "ali" (hermaphrodite) per se or some such thing.
3. Watch animals at you-know-where (For the uninitiated, Mysore has a famous zoo)and try to spot 6 differences between this:
and this:
4. Learn a bit of Mysore Kannada (2 parts Tamil, 1 part Kannada, 1 part Telugu).
5. Explore Mysore's varied heritage by inspecting monument walls beneath a magnifying glass and its striking architectural beauty by using altimeters and levelling instruments.
And Yeah, As I am NOT going with any women squadron on this trip,the sales men at the Mysore Silk Emporiums are saved from a flurry of attackers like the one in the Jackdaws who attacked the Nazis. So they can happily do away with
1. Tough Day at Work
2. Challenging and/or non-understanding female customers
3. Lengthy conversations, but no business
4. All of the Above
P.S: Due credit is being given to Krish Ashok for an inspiration in the style of writing.
Thursday, 23 July 2009
On Humour
I came across this quiz called "What type of Humor is yours" on Facebook and i found it pretty interesting. It was more like those common IQ tests which are famous for asking you a bunch of really unrelated questions and in the end giving a result, apparently derived from your answering pattern. This one interested me though, for the result said that my humor falls into the category of "Humor by Exaggeration".
Talking of humor, i really can't stop myself from mentioning about the nuances in PG Wodehouse' writings. That in my opinion is real humor. I call it so just because i see it covering all types and variations including- "Turn of Phrase", "Pun", "Exaggeration", "Understatement", "Irony", "Sarcasm" and "Satire". What remains to be addressed is the way each person reacts to these types of humor. It is a common observation that some people are aroused when a joke comes in the form of sarcasm and some others may like a simple turn of phrase.
When I see that humor can be classified, defined, debated and discussed, I immediately relate to how we encounter many of these instances day in and day out. Philosophy and medicine have not stopped short of recommendations relating to smile, laughter,fun and happiness as therapeutic catalysts. I appreciate the "Slapstick" form of humor specifically. It takes a chunk of inborn talent for one to be good at slap sticks. I have had a couple of friends whose colloquial discussions include a plethora of these.
These are some points that one could consider when trying to be humorous on any given occasion.
1.To be funny, the humour should be said in a spirit of fun.
2.Humour should be unannounced and told with a straight face (you don't want to laugh before your audience does).
3.The humour will die if you fumble over words or stumble during the punch line.
4.In public speaking, as it is with conversation, the telling of humour should be effortless and natural.
5.To be effective in public speaking the humour should be relevant to the points being made. It is woven into the fabric of the speech.
“Turn up the heat,” said John coldly- no matter what, 'is' a joke. But it depends on the timing of the sentence delivery. You may see how bad it looks when i have quoted it here (disastrously out of context).
To wind up, I confess boldly that I am in the middle of a small exercise to improve my hilariousness and hence the post--which I am sure is itself a huge "Slapstick" to the readers. Hope someone out there likes to read about humor.
Let the reader live in peace......Amen!!!!
Talking of humor, i really can't stop myself from mentioning about the nuances in PG Wodehouse' writings. That in my opinion is real humor. I call it so just because i see it covering all types and variations including- "Turn of Phrase", "Pun", "Exaggeration", "Understatement", "Irony", "Sarcasm" and "Satire". What remains to be addressed is the way each person reacts to these types of humor. It is a common observation that some people are aroused when a joke comes in the form of sarcasm and some others may like a simple turn of phrase.
When I see that humor can be classified, defined, debated and discussed, I immediately relate to how we encounter many of these instances day in and day out. Philosophy and medicine have not stopped short of recommendations relating to smile, laughter,fun and happiness as therapeutic catalysts. I appreciate the "Slapstick" form of humor specifically. It takes a chunk of inborn talent for one to be good at slap sticks. I have had a couple of friends whose colloquial discussions include a plethora of these.
These are some points that one could consider when trying to be humorous on any given occasion.
1.To be funny, the humour should be said in a spirit of fun.
2.Humour should be unannounced and told with a straight face (you don't want to laugh before your audience does).
3.The humour will die if you fumble over words or stumble during the punch line.
4.In public speaking, as it is with conversation, the telling of humour should be effortless and natural.
5.To be effective in public speaking the humour should be relevant to the points being made. It is woven into the fabric of the speech.
“Turn up the heat,” said John coldly- no matter what, 'is' a joke. But it depends on the timing of the sentence delivery. You may see how bad it looks when i have quoted it here (disastrously out of context).
To wind up, I confess boldly that I am in the middle of a small exercise to improve my hilariousness and hence the post--which I am sure is itself a huge "Slapstick" to the readers. Hope someone out there likes to read about humor.
Let the reader live in peace......Amen!!!!
Wednesday, 15 July 2009
For a Change
The idea of writing a book review on the blog has always fascinated me and rightly so, I haven't hidden that little fantasy of mine for there have been quite a few of them in the past. There have been awfully long ones on History, Humor, Literature and what not.
S0, for a change, I have decided to cut the crap and write a few (really only a few) sensible lines on what i think of the two books i have read recently.
A Prefect's Uncle-P.G.Wodehouse
This was the Second book that came from this genius after an outstanding "The Pothunters".The school time story touching upon cricket, stolen money and an embarrassing uncle hits heights of humor many a time in the course of its hundred and fifty odd pages. This one is more of a progress since the first novel for him and the inimitable turn of phrases that he employs (the trademark Wodehouse perfections) are there in this book already.
The Small Bachelor-P.G.Wodehouse
Wodehouse captures an era that probably never was but many of us wish it had. He does one of his best jobs, capturing Twenties' New York at a roar in this neatly done up farce. Just like reading a screwball comedy, laughs come often and out loud! The Small Bachelor is not to be missed by any true aficionado of P.G. Wodehouse
S0, for a change, I have decided to cut the crap and write a few (really only a few) sensible lines on what i think of the two books i have read recently.
A Prefect's Uncle-P.G.Wodehouse
This was the Second book that came from this genius after an outstanding "The Pothunters".The school time story touching upon cricket, stolen money and an embarrassing uncle hits heights of humor many a time in the course of its hundred and fifty odd pages. This one is more of a progress since the first novel for him and the inimitable turn of phrases that he employs (the trademark Wodehouse perfections) are there in this book already.
The Small Bachelor-P.G.Wodehouse
Wodehouse captures an era that probably never was but many of us wish it had. He does one of his best jobs, capturing Twenties' New York at a roar in this neatly done up farce. Just like reading a screwball comedy, laughs come often and out loud! The Small Bachelor is not to be missed by any true aficionado of P.G. Wodehouse
Saturday, 20 June 2009
Yet Another Book Review: "Ring for Jeeves"
No matter what one might argue about PG Wodehouse's style of writing and the lack of seriousness and essence in the stories that he narrates, he is undoubtedly one of the most gifted authors who has the knack of taking his readers through a moving humorous novel each time he attempts to draft one. "Ring for Jeeves" is a typical one which is full of humor and sarcasm that offers a leisure read with all satisfaction.
The novel is arguably one of the most hilarious works ever offered, for the portrayal of characters is absolutely outstanding. In Biggar, the instrumental character in the plot, Wodehouse paints a naughty but witty hunter who plays an important role in the "All's well that ends well" climax that's in the offering. The protagonist Bill plays a dummy hero as he rides upon Jeeves' wit all through his difficulties in handling the comic villain Biggar.
What amuses me most is the way Wodehouse portrays wealthy widows in England for he mocks thoroughly upon their innocence and gullibility. The novel takes one through an entertaining ride with all ingredients of a hilarious British milieu.
The novel is a must read for light readers who enjoy the language and satiric tendencies more than the essence itself. It gives the right feel of PGW and his style of writing. A big hats off to the most hilarious writer of modern times.
The novel is arguably one of the most hilarious works ever offered, for the portrayal of characters is absolutely outstanding. In Biggar, the instrumental character in the plot, Wodehouse paints a naughty but witty hunter who plays an important role in the "All's well that ends well" climax that's in the offering. The protagonist Bill plays a dummy hero as he rides upon Jeeves' wit all through his difficulties in handling the comic villain Biggar.
What amuses me most is the way Wodehouse portrays wealthy widows in England for he mocks thoroughly upon their innocence and gullibility. The novel takes one through an entertaining ride with all ingredients of a hilarious British milieu.
The novel is a must read for light readers who enjoy the language and satiric tendencies more than the essence itself. It gives the right feel of PGW and his style of writing. A big hats off to the most hilarious writer of modern times.
Wednesday, 17 June 2009
Book Review: "Great Indian Novel"
Shashi Tharoor’s debut novel’’’’The Great Indian Novel“ presents a lot of material for many accusations. However from the title to the content you have to be a “proper" Indian down to the last bone in your body, if you’re going to truly appreciate this book. This is a satire and as is the case with such works you have to be an insider, to really “get” the joke.
So with that i would say, the book does bring about a successful marriage between The Mahabharata and Pre-Independence politics. For, the Mahabharata is probably the earliest account of the struggle for power and control.It is the story of the great war of Kurukshetra between the Pandavas and the Kauravas- the story of the war to establish the right over the Indian throne.Underlying it is the eternal conflict of Dharma versus Adharma. So on a bigger note, the concept of the book is tough to imagine. Outstanding i should say has been the thoughts behind it's creation.
The author through the voice of Ved Vyas takes us through the major events that shaped India’s destiny in the period that eventually culminated in freedom from the British. The second half of the book deals with the rise(& decay) of independent India & the woman who ruled her. It takes the characters out of the Mahabharata ,paints them with unmistakable traits of modern Indian politicians & in the process,turns both the ancient Indian epic & history on its head.
A Mohandas K Gandhi who stood up for his ideals & for his country was elevated to the status of a Mahatma. However we gloss over the fact that he had his failings. Whether it be eye-brow raising eccentricities like forcing his wife to lie naked next to him as an ultimate test of his self-control or more profound ones like his inability to prevent the partition of India despite his promise never to let that happen. He was only an ordinary man albeit one with extraordinary vision.
Would our history have been different if he had not had to maintain his image? We don't know. The novel makes one think on these lines is what i intended to convey.
Verdict: The marriage was a success, no doubt. But the reader has to put in extra efforts to appreciate the satiric way in which the novel has been narrated. Nevertheless, it gives a great picture of India from behind till date.
Worth a leisure reading when one really feels like contemplating on the two biggest phases of Indian history.
So with that i would say, the book does bring about a successful marriage between The Mahabharata and Pre-Independence politics. For, the Mahabharata is probably the earliest account of the struggle for power and control.It is the story of the great war of Kurukshetra between the Pandavas and the Kauravas- the story of the war to establish the right over the Indian throne.Underlying it is the eternal conflict of Dharma versus Adharma. So on a bigger note, the concept of the book is tough to imagine. Outstanding i should say has been the thoughts behind it's creation.
The author through the voice of Ved Vyas takes us through the major events that shaped India’s destiny in the period that eventually culminated in freedom from the British. The second half of the book deals with the rise(& decay) of independent India & the woman who ruled her. It takes the characters out of the Mahabharata ,paints them with unmistakable traits of modern Indian politicians & in the process,turns both the ancient Indian epic & history on its head.
A Mohandas K Gandhi who stood up for his ideals & for his country was elevated to the status of a Mahatma. However we gloss over the fact that he had his failings. Whether it be eye-brow raising eccentricities like forcing his wife to lie naked next to him as an ultimate test of his self-control or more profound ones like his inability to prevent the partition of India despite his promise never to let that happen. He was only an ordinary man albeit one with extraordinary vision.
Would our history have been different if he had not had to maintain his image? We don't know. The novel makes one think on these lines is what i intended to convey.
Verdict: The marriage was a success, no doubt. But the reader has to put in extra efforts to appreciate the satiric way in which the novel has been narrated. Nevertheless, it gives a great picture of India from behind till date.
Worth a leisure reading when one really feels like contemplating on the two biggest phases of Indian history.
Monday, 9 March 2009
Random Tag
Here is the 25 things about me post!!..I just learnt from a couple of pals that one of the few inital posts ought to be this. Random things about you. I dont know if i can pen down 25. Will try to make a decent number atleast.
1. Firstly i have something close to "brain fog". Dont google it now to see what it is. It might give fearful results. Just that i dont remember things too well.
2. I trust in very few people in life and they ve been there with me since long. One of them is of course my brother who seems to understand me better than anyone else in this world. The other few are a couple of my close friends.
3. I eat anything served (but vegetarian). This habit of mine has come to me recently after a series of events in my hostel mess over my 5 yrs at college.
4. I remember a few things very keenly in life. They are a selected few which seem to interest me. But i emphasize on the "few" here.
5. There are two priorities in my life- My career and my family. Nothing other than these two are of serious importance to me.
6.I believe in Charles Darwin's theory of Survival of the fittest. I am good at adapting to the surroundings andd changing myself to adjust to the milieu.
7. Getting high is one of the irresistable things in life.
8. There are five things i love..Special mention these 5 things require-because i get into a different frame of mind wheni have a majority of these with me at a given particular time.- "Manchester United", "Funky techie cell phone", "my bike", "internet" and "cricket".
9. I love Manchester United-Hardcore.
10. ARR, Ilayaraja, Creed, Switchfoot, U2 and Pink floyd make up for almost 90 percent of the music i listen to.
11.I get angry kinda frequently but only with people who mean a lot to me.An assumption which makes me feel that these people are ok to mess up with. After all they ll be back with you kinds.
12. I can control the hours of my sleep. I am neither hypersomniac nor insomniac.
13. A trusworthy person is how my friends have judged me as yet.
14. I talk to myself more than i talk to others. I love solitude but not an excess of it. I can keep yumm yumming for hours. But there are certain topics which i prefer to discuss with myself.
15. I keep my time and expect people around me to do it either. But a far cry. Not many live up to it. In short i am punctual and a time freak.
16. I can sit idle for hours and hours and hours. It does nt disturb me.
17. I am too pragmatic at analysing situations.
18.I have a very different view of God. In short i believe God created something called evil.It did not start existing by itself... and i feel God makes man think.Man does nothing of his own.
19. I am over ambitious but i am over pessimistic too. So a plethora of confusions rule my thinking in general.
20. I select my friends and keep those which i think add meaning to my life.
21. I expect my best friends to live upto what i think of them.Because i value them a lot and they form an important part of the decision making process in my life.
22. I am afraid of rats since childhood. It is an allergy, a fear or whatever..i really don't know.
23. I am not a great liar. I get caught too easily. Disadvantageous many times.
24. I love the way Indian culture revolves around a number of values. I dont mean to say i am against westernization, but i prefer limitations to it.
25. I cant think about a thing for too long. Lack of concentration i should say...coz i took about 3 hrs to draft this page.
And i would tag somebody for sure to do this bugging task of thinking about oneself for so long.
Thursday, 26 February 2009
Classic Two!!
Apparently, the two books that i am talking about were my latest two.
I can't read P.G. Wodehouse every day, nor would I want to. They are like a deliciously decadent and fattening dessert that you allow yourself to indulge in once every so often, except that Wodehouse's decadence lies in his luxurious, playful and masterful manipulation of the English language. A perfect day for me involves lounging on the deck of my best friend's family cottage with a Jeeves and Wooster book in one hand and a margarita in the other!
Aunts Aren’t Gentlemen by P.G. Wodehouse
As with most of the Jeeves and Wooster series, the plot of this novel isn’t as important as the language Wodehouse uses to describe the messes that Bertie gets into. Nevertheless, the long and the short of it is that Bertie leaves the city to improve his health only to find that Aunt Dahlia has other plans. An important horse race hinges on the presence of a certain cat and as usual, Aunt Dahlia wants Bertie to steal the cat so that a certain horse will lose the race and she will collect on her rather large bet. Bertie has also managed to get between a friend and his lady love and must convince the friend that he is not a threat and convince the lady that he is not the marrying kind. As usual, it is Jeeves who comes up with the cunning plan and saves the day.Lightest book that I've read till date.
Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
The novel relives the days following Caulfield's expulsion from Pencey Prep, a university preparatory school based loosely on either Ursinus College or Valley Forge Military Academy, Salinger's alma-mater. Caulfield tells his story in cynical and jaded language, frequently using disparaging language and profanity. In the end i felt i had just come across a new type of humour which is not much different than that of PGW's. But a thoroughly enjoyable book,i should say.
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