What's with a writer's block

Ladies and gentlemen, I am back to where I was. So, after a long time out from this block, I thought of writing about...

Enough of that... I didn't know what to write about. So, I tried to break the ice and start blabbering about something or the other and I used the backspace key on my laptop more than anything else while I started this post. After striking through and through so many times, I decided I would write about that very thing - The Writer's block. Wiki defines it as a 'condition', which can even put an end to one's writing career - in the professional sense that is. Not for an amateur blogger like thou and thee. But I think it is more of a curse than being just a condition.

Consider my last post on this blog, I wrote about some random Margabandhu and tried to correlate his activities with Indian cricket by and large. That thing apparently did not make for a hit as I noticed on my statistics page. There was only one person who commented/liked it on facebook and that person was him. If I had to go by his taste, my writing career would have long been over. I mean, the point is, one shouldn't get an orgasm if someone like him vouches for one's work. So, for a person who understands this fact, technically, the problem is that he starts wondering what needs to change to make a successful product on his blog. I was wondering exactly that and that seemingly was the reason for my prolonged absence from here.

One of my friends suggested me to write on 'How to fall in love and get married in 90 days' as an ode to another friend and his accomplishments. He even gave me a 'title idea' for that post - 'Le Executioner'. But I somehow got the feeling that it wouldn't bring home the bacon. I felt that they might end up being the only persons to appreciate my thoughts on that subject. The other problem was that I have no clue about achieving that kind of a feat in 90 days, so to speak. Some weird guy in my wing had a book while I was at college. It was called 'The Game' and it apparently helped teenaged dudes to pick some threads with nice girls and walk out of pubs like a couple. That book would probably have an answer to that 90 days love and marriage and all that kind of jazz, not my blog. The same set of friends also suggested I write a book instead of wasting time on a blog and I looked at them askance at that suggestion. I don't need to elaborate. That suggestion was nothing more than just 'stupid'.

With so many suggestions and ideas, both from external sources and internal, the only good was that I came to realize one real fact viz.The mind and the heart belong to two different sexes. The mind is a testosterone based thinker and the heart is a lot like those pinkish fetishes. In the process of contemplating, I thought I should write about cricket, especially about that internal unrest in Team India's dressing room. The mind suggested that topic of course, if you didn't get that part clear. The heart pounced at that suggestion and said, "Don't be a loser, get a life. Write something more romantic.". See? I said the heart belonged to the female sex. Then I thought of writing about passion, life, love and all those abstract things. This time, the guy retorted in an even bitter tone. He said, I would look like a fool if I write something so cinematic. That seemed sensible too. Especially with the kind of readers I have. It would easily become a topic for them to mock at me in public. So, I decided against that one too. Politics Economics, Money, Career, Work, Football etc. said HIM...... Pets, Fashion, Nature, Trees, Oceans, Flowers et al. came from HER. But I found none really meaningful.

I asked those two friends of mine for some more ideas. And one of them told me to write about 'why women are not funny'. His argument was that, those kind of topics could possibly bring a lot more female attention to this blog which is something that is lacking as of today. But I begged to differ. That kid of writing would probably bring a lot of scorn to me and my chauvinistic ideas. I prefer to play it safe and say that women are actually very funny and move on.

Another idea was to write about smoking and drinking as stimulants for a writer and his creativity as is talked about  here. But I felt, I should do some more research to write about something of that sort, especially since I am a complete teetotaler as you guys know.

So yea, due to a lack of ideas, I ended up taking a long vacation from writing, until I figured I could write about that block itself. I guess I did get past that block in the end because as I scroll up, I think I've written enough for a post. More than 4 paragraphs it appears. So, Wiki could have actually got it right. It is probably just a condition.

If you are here,

Thanks for getting this far, You have played a part in removing my writer's block. Thank you!

A Guide to Wembley and after (for Man United, I mean)

Hell Yeah! It is truly fascinating to note that "people" are merrily writing off Manchester United for the final at Wembley on May 28th (After writing off Schalke of course). I request "people" to hold on for a second and listen to a few facts compiled by one fellow reader at Mr. Bean's hometown (should be something to that effect for the kind of humor they produce) viz. F365 (yet again). I have been trying to find out why I am so obsessed with stuff from F365 and not able to avoid mentions or similar analyses or mere lifts from there, in this blog.

Cutting tangent and coming to matter, the compilation that I was referring to goes thus.

Whilst Barcelona play great football, I would suggest that the fact that haven't scored many goals against 11 men in good teams recently means United, if they reach the final, have a good chance, if Ferdinand and Vidic are both fit (and probably also if Darren Fletcher is fit). In the roughly 440 minutes played against 11 men over the recent four El Clásicos and the two matches with Arsenal, Barcelona scored three and conceded five, whilst in the roughly 100 minutes against 10 men, they scored five and conceded one. That's one goal scored per 147 minutes against 11 men and one goal scored per 20 minutes against 10 men. Van Persie's sending off was obviously a mistake, whilst opinion is divided over whether Pepe's offence was a yellow or a red - personally, I think it was an orange at worst. Barcelona also failed to score in 111 minutes against 11 man Holland in the World Cup Final. So the best advice for United? Don't get anyone sent off.

Now, on the contrary, I don't see United winning that game (assuming 11 players keep their feet on the playing field for round about 90 minutes, that is), if they play a tactic like the one in the 2009 final with a 4-5-1 where Rooney plays in the 5s. 


While I was drafting this post and when I reached this point in my writing, I took a break for a cup of tea. And the tea, filled with ginger and elaichi, definitely proved to be a good refresher, like one of those magical, instantaneous Jeeves' refreshers. It sharpened my thinking faculties and gave me an idea instantly after consumption. The idea, as it ran through my mind, is as follows. In a guide to Wembley, given the nature of this year's champions league and the two teams by and large, it is more important to add some valuable points to the smaller goal of playing 11 players for 90 minutes for Manchester United rather than the bigger one of winning it. As facts stated above indicate, all suggestions and inferences point to an underlying assumption of playing 11 players from whistle to whistle. Hence, here below, I've listed down a few ingenious ideas that I contrived while plainly thinking over it.


1. Manchester United players will do well if they are handed an extra weapon (a secret one, to be used only during emergencies, though emergency is a phenomenon that is expected to arrive too often than obvious to the human mind in such encounters), The extra weapon is a 3 x 5 plastic card, painted red. They should probably make efforts to understand situations in the match, when opponent players are down to the ground and performing like in the movies. At these junctures, work of the moment would be to exercise their option of using that weapon and showing it to the referee who is in the near vicinity. By doing that, the referee is sent off at that moment and the probability of him showing a red card at the player involved in the recent tackle becomes zero. (A referee cannot use his power and exercise his options after having been sent off)


2. Quick Learners. That is the order of today's modern civilization. Manchester United players should show some tact in quickly grasping theatre skills from their catalan counterparts as soon as possible in the match. So that, if the first half is won by actors from Spain, the second one can belong to the fraternity from England.


3. In the game of counter strike, if you have noticed, it is important to stay together as a team, in order to clinch a tag team shoot out. That principle holds good in the game of football as well. It is important for the players to support one another in times of distress and grief and exchange soothing words to bring down their collective tempers. For, in a match against Barcelona, temper, taken as an emotion, can only be displayed by two kinds of people by the rule book. a.) People who fall under the category of proctors/referees in general. b.) People who represent the most populous city of Catalonia. 


4. Repeatedly tell Scholes, (when he is on the pitch) that his role on that day is to be an Attacking (with a capital A) Midfielder and any tactless display of defensive skills is suicidal.

A fifth point has been suggested by a faithful reader of this space and I think it will do justice only if i include that most ingenious idea in this list of mine!

5. United management, wait and see which obscure North European country the referee is from. Once you find that out, you can send him a cable with 'From UEFA (shhhh!)' written on top and the contents being, in code language of course, 'Plan change. United win. Messi red. Barca no give 5m and show middle finger'


With such valuable inputs to the people in red, I am signing off with a cliche viz. "May the best team(not in my opinion, but in UEFA's/referee's opinion) on that day win".

Enjoy Maadi

I have been cribbing for quite sometime about life at Hyderabad not being too eventful and i have contrived to a decision that if one has to enjoy life and spend money, one has to work in Bangalore.

Reasons:

1. Most/All of your friends invariably work in Bangalore.
2. You have numerous malls and weekends can't get better with the 'bird-watching opportunity' one always gets at these hangouts.
3. Since almost all of your college chums sit here, there is no scarcity of gossip.
4. You start biking like crazy for otherwise commuting is usually tough on weekdays.
5. Your virtues get better as you need to exercise a lot of patience owing to traffic.
6. You will not find any difficulties in knowing Bangalore's geography as it is almost a straight line on the map.
7. If you are a 'tamilian' you tend to feel at home for the language is spoken almost at every street corner.
8. Most/All high paying jobs are available in the city for almost every Indian company has a branch here.
9. You become immune to most/all air-borne diseases as the normal amount of Carbon Monoxide you inhale is awfully high and it overrides or suppresses other problems.
10. You can travel to any of the other three South Indian states by an overnight's journey.

If you are a Southie, Bangalore is 'the' place to be in.

P.S: Can somebody who has read this post find me a job at Bangalore? (Lol)

On Humour

I came across this quiz called "What type of Humor is yours" on Facebook and i found it pretty interesting. It was more like those common IQ tests which are famous for asking you a bunch of really unrelated questions and in the end giving a result, apparently derived from your answering pattern. This one interested me though, for the result said that my humor falls into the category of "Humor by Exaggeration".

Talking of humor, i really can't stop myself from mentioning about the nuances in PG Wodehouse' writings. That in my opinion is real humor. I call it so just because i see it covering all types and variations including- "Turn of Phrase", "Pun", "Exaggeration", "Understatement", "Irony", "Sarcasm" and "Satire". What remains to be addressed is the way each person reacts to these types of humor. It is a common observation that some people are aroused when a joke comes in the form of sarcasm and some others may like a simple turn of phrase.

When I see that humor can be classified, defined, debated and discussed, I immediately relate to how we encounter many of these instances day in and day out. Philosophy and medicine have not stopped short of recommendations relating to smile, laughter,fun and happiness as therapeutic catalysts. I appreciate the "Slapstick" form of humor specifically. It takes a chunk of inborn talent for one to be good at slap sticks. I have had a couple of friends whose colloquial discussions include a plethora of these.

These are some points that one could consider when trying to be humorous on any given occasion.

1.To be funny, the humour should be said in a spirit of fun.
2.Humour should be unannounced and told with a straight face (you don't want to laugh before your audience does).
3.The humour will die if you fumble over words or stumble during the punch line.
4.In public speaking, as it is with conversation, the telling of humour should be effortless and natural.
5.To be effective in public speaking the humour should be relevant to the points being made. It is woven into the fabric of the speech.

“Turn up the heat,” said John coldly- no matter what, 'is' a joke. But it depends on the timing of the sentence delivery. You may see how bad it looks when i have quoted it here (disastrously out of context).

To wind up, I confess boldly that I am in the middle of a small exercise to improve my hilariousness and hence the post--which I am sure is itself a huge "Slapstick" to the readers. Hope someone out there likes to read about humor.

Let the reader live in peace......Amen!!!!

Analogies make you think!!!

Keeping oneself engaged thinking of the philosophy around nature and life is not a commonplace activity. I am not an exception to it either. Such things don't usually interest many people. These thoughts generally take you nowhere. Even after hours of thinking one completes a circle of thoughts and comes to no conclusion. But what's amusing about this activity is the reason why you start doing it then after all. I have been wondering why it suddenly comes to your mind then. A tranquil state of mind is an arena in which this school of thought is said to rein frequently. Notice here that i just used an analogy. Reining a 'state of mind' which i just called an 'arena'.

I chanced upon an analogy about life very recently and it interested me a lot. I saw the usage in "Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance" by Robert Pirsig. There is this guy who is on a road trip on a nice autumn weekend and the book goes through his mind as it wanders throughout the journey. Thereby taking the reader through a journey of life from a very different perspective. The book talks a lot about the author's ride on the motorcycle and a lot more about the art of maintaining it during such long trips. At one point the author refers to two different views to life- "The Classic View and The Romantic View". The Classic view involves understanding everything we come across using it's underlying form. The Romantic view involves understanding of things based on it's functionality. To understand these two views to an extent, there was an interesting reference to a blue print of a building. From a romantic point of view, it just means a maze with hundreds of lines leading to nowhere. From a classic point of view, it leads to a huge apartment with a dazzling facade. It is important to see the beauty behind such a thing.

Man is almost always a romantic thinker. A Classic view of anything is tough to comprehend from a human brain perspective. But it is not impossible. Consider the example of the blueprint. An architect would obviously understand the blueprint from an almost classic point of view if not fully. But that doesn't make him a classical thinker. It is important to view everything (even those that you don't relate yourself to or those that don't bother you) from the classic point of view. And then will one realise the essence of nature and life. Laws of nature are understood from the romantic point of view as some supernatural creation. But science created them says the classic explanation. 'Nothing can be called a valid assumption' is also one of the tenets of the classic view. Now the analogy that i was talking about- "Human mind is a knife. It cuts a person's thoughts into two worldly views..The Classic and the Romantic." But the latter half seems to be the dictator of the human mind. The knife that cuts my mind made me write this post where i think i am trying to cross the fine line that divides the two cut halves. It is a very fine line and it is important to try and identify and cross over to the less comprehended but more invading school of thought.

Random Tag

Here is the 25 things about me post!!..I just learnt from a couple of pals that one of the few inital posts ought to be this. Random things about you. I dont know if i can pen down 25. Will try to make a decent number atleast.

1. Firstly i have something close to "brain fog". Dont google it now to see what it is. It might give fearful results. Just that i dont remember things too well.

2. I trust in very few people in life and they ve been there with me since long. One of them is of course my brother who seems to understand me better than anyone else in this world. The other few are a couple of my close friends.

3. I eat anything served (but vegetarian). This habit of mine has come to me recently after a series of events in my hostel mess over my 5 yrs at college.

4. I remember a few things very keenly in life. They are a selected few which seem to interest me. But i emphasize on the "few" here.

5. There are two priorities in my life- My career and my family. Nothing other than these two are of serious importance to me.

6.I believe in Charles Darwin's theory of Survival of the fittest. I am good at adapting to the surroundings andd changing myself to adjust to the milieu.

7. Getting high is one of the irresistable things in life.

8. There are five things i love..Special mention these 5 things require-because i get into a different frame of mind wheni have a majority of these with me at a given particular time.- "Manchester United", "Funky techie cell phone", "my bike", "internet" and "cricket".

9. I love Manchester United-Hardcore.

10. ARR, Ilayaraja, Creed, Switchfoot, U2 and Pink floyd make up for almost 90 percent of the music i listen to.

11.I get angry kinda frequently but only with people who mean a lot to me.An assumption which makes me feel that these people are ok to mess up with. After all they ll be back with you kinds.

12. I can control the hours of my sleep. I am neither hypersomniac nor insomniac.

13. A trusworthy person is how my friends have judged me as yet.

14. I talk to myself more than i talk to others. I love solitude but not an excess of it. I can keep yumm yumming for hours. But there are certain topics which i prefer to discuss with myself.

15. I keep my time and expect people around me to do it either. But a far cry. Not many live up to it. In short i am punctual and a time freak.

16. I can sit idle for hours and hours and hours. It does nt disturb me.

17. I am too pragmatic at analysing situations.

18.I have a very different view of God. In short i believe God created something called evil.It did not start existing by itself... and i feel God makes man think.Man does nothing of his own.

19. I am over ambitious but i am over pessimistic too. So a plethora of confusions rule my thinking in general.

20. I select my friends and keep those which i think add meaning to my life.

21. I expect my best friends to live upto what i think of them.Because i value them a lot and they form an important part of the decision making process in my life.

22. I am afraid of rats since childhood. It is an allergy, a fear or whatever..i really don't know.

23. I am not a great liar. I get caught too easily. Disadvantageous many times.

24. I love the way Indian culture revolves around a number of values. I dont mean to say i am against westernization, but i prefer limitations to it.

25. I cant think about a thing for too long. Lack of concentration i should say...coz i took about 3 hrs to draft this page.

And i would tag somebody for sure to do this bugging task of thinking about oneself for so long.

Classic Two!!

Apparently, the two books that i am talking about were my latest two.

I can't read P.G. Wodehouse every day, nor would I want to. They are like a deliciously decadent and fattening dessert that you allow yourself to indulge in once every so often, except that Wodehouse's decadence lies in his luxurious, playful and masterful manipulation of the English language. A perfect day for me involves lounging on the deck of my best friend's family cottage with a Jeeves and Wooster book in one hand and a margarita in the other!

Aunts Aren’t Gentlemen by P.G. Wodehouse

As with most of the Jeeves and Wooster series, the plot of this novel isn’t as important as the language Wodehouse uses to describe the messes that Bertie gets into. Nevertheless, the long and the short of it is that Bertie leaves the city to improve his health only to find that Aunt Dahlia has other plans. An important horse race hinges on the presence of a certain cat and as usual, Aunt Dahlia wants Bertie to steal the cat so that a certain horse will lose the race and she will collect on her rather large bet. Bertie has also managed to get between a friend and his lady love and must convince the friend that he is not a threat and convince the lady that he is not the marrying kind. As usual, it is Jeeves who comes up with the cunning plan and saves the day.Lightest book that I've read till date.

Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

The novel relives the days following Caulfield's expulsion from Pencey Prep, a university preparatory school based loosely on either Ursinus College or Valley Forge Military Academy, Salinger's alma-mater. Caulfield tells his story in cynical and jaded language, frequently using disparaging language and profanity. In the end i felt i had just come across a new type of humour which is not much different than that of PGW's. But a thoroughly enjoyable book,i should say.