Friday, 25 February 2011

8 Khon...No Maaf :-|

After a good long hiatus on the cinema front, I did the brave thing by hitting satyam cinemas website and checking out what was on offer. After having read about Vishal Bharadwaj's latest flick and found decent positives on the review, I thought it was a good choice and the guy sitting to my left at this point, seconded that thought. So we ventured out. Ever since man evolved from the monkey, it has been well documented that human emotions are very highly altered by fellow human being's influences. Adding another vindication to that work of history, the third guy in the party at present said "Ok let's go". So it was down to choosing the fourth companion since the movie was decided.  "7 Khon Maaf" had become people's choice for the 10:15 PM night show. Like it happens in the 'Usual Suspects', we got our usual companion on the phone and confirmed her presence in the scheme of things.

So, It was me, Laurel and Hardy (using my mom's choice of names for the two guys I always roam about with, ever since I landed at Chennai from Hyd) and the fourth soul gearing up for it. As is often the case with my dad, I was sent out of home at sharp 9:15 PM, so as to "be on time" for the movie. For the uninitiated, my dad has this weird idea of packing off people well before time when it comes to going to the railway station/bus stand to catch a train/bus on a journey. He makes sure we reach the platform at Chennai Central at least a few seconds before the engine driver boards the engine at the shed. Sigh!. One gets the drift here, I suppose. It is such a pain for the victim in point to have to do that long, never ending wait at the end of such crises. So there I was at No.8 Thiru Vi Ka Road, Royapettah, a good 40 minutes before time.

Choosing the very usual way of killing one's time, I picked up my phone and rang up all those friends who I had to pick a good number of threads with, people who I missed to check upon for 2-3 years now, or people who had promised to call me but never did so in the recent weeks. So after all the deliberation, we enter "Seasons" to watch the advertisements that test our patience levels like  - Vicco Vajrathanthi (twice), Nathella Samptha Chetty (twice), some random Tamil Nadu police announcements etc. So having gone through a bad phase already, we garnered the interest to concentrate on the movie for the day. Scene 1 enter "Gun", enter "Blood", enter some arbit ghost in human form more on the lines of one of these.
No, do not misunderstand me here. None of these people have played any role in this movie. The make up of our beloved protagonist, madam Priyanka made the trick and delivered the look alike at this juncture. I then realized why the censor board was bent upon giving an 'A' rating for this movie. Not that the certificate is debatable per se, the movie has a good number of scenes worthy of an A rating. But, think of it folks, with people below the age of 18, there his very high probability that they might get scared and/or faint at the very introduction of the heroine. So put your hands together for the diligent censor board rating. Moving further on the review of the movie, which was the initial intention in this post, it moved at nautical speeds for the first one hour. It was like some recursive function that goes like, love, marriage, sex, murder, love again, marriage again, sex again, murder again...With that one line, i think i have done a wonderful precis on the review of the first half of the movie. For the benefit of readers, I did not choose to show the recursive pattern 3 times, to say that 3 iterations of it happened in the first half.

So there it was, Interval, and the message on the screen read "4 more to go". It would be gross injustice to Laurel , if I did not applaud his sense of humor at that very juncture. He contrived to do a rhyme there. "No more folks, shall we go?". I mean, see the "go" and "go". Though Laurel did not get any takers when he cracked that for the first time, in the hope of getting some admirers on this platform, I have posted it here. Laughers at this point, can go and laugh. After all it's interval.

So cutting the tangent, finishing the popcorn and emptying the coke tin, we come to the second half. I would get tomatoes, eggs and what not (those that should have been thrown at plenty towards Priyanka, if one has to be judicious) if I write that recursive function once again to describe the scenes from the second half. Same set of chores, mate. So we come to the climax where we are offered a slight twist. The recursion stopped. This time, our heroine decides to change the order of things. Murder loses its position at the last. She decides to marry someone who cannot be murdered. So as to avoid any spoilers at that juncture, I shall say "Oh Jesus Christ". For the over smart people who think even that was a spoiler, sorry people, you are too intelligent for that movie. Give it a miss.

So there were 7 folks in all. 7th being the one where I chose to leave the suspense as it was. And I would like to add that "murder" was definitely the order of the day, because, guys, the movie itself becomes the murderer in the end and stabs the viewer to make it 8 in all.

Disturbingly fast, bad screenplay, worst acting performances (barring Irfan Khan and Naseeruddin Shah of course)....useless in all. Is this to Vishal Bhardwaj, what Raavan is to Mani Ratnam????

That story was definitely better left in the form of the book from which it has been inspired.

Tuesday, 22 February 2011

A Tag, New or Old.

I really don't know if this is a new tag or an old one. I don't even remember if someone really tagged me with this topic to write on. But since I can't think of anything worthwhile to write about, I am going to do this one. Here it goes....

20 years ago I......
1. was a chubby little kid who peed on the sofa more often than I drank milk from the feeding bottle.
2. went to my first school and started my first interactions with people outside my parents.

10 years ago I......
1. was busy with my coin collection and stamp collection and wanted radium stars on the ceiling of my bedroom
2. got my first real infatuation (stress on the adjective "real") and started doing combined studies just for the heck of it (She was the first ranker in class) .
3. got my first bicycle and loved the evening rides on it.
4. was a die hard fan of cricket and loved the after school games of cricket.

5 years ago I......
1. was enjoying my early days at college and loved life away from a remote village in Rajasthan.
2. was quite sure I had committed the usual blunder of joining the rat race for an engineering degree
3. had football (Manchester United to be specific) as my first priority in life and loved the psychic fan in me.
4. just got to know that relationships are not made, they just happen.

3 years ago I......
1. loved the long nights alone in my hostel room and the endless sessions(all inclusive, games and more)
2. was confused about what I wanted to do with my life

1 year ago I......
1. was busy filing my first tax returns and fabricating all proof documents.
2. was already fed up with my first job and was in a clearly confused state as to what I wanted in my career next.
3. was trying hard for a B School admit which never happened.
4. was already ruing the fact that I had to work in the software industry.

So far this year I......
1. have been doing nothing worthwhile.
2. have got a good amount of bad news to worry about.
3. have followed the routine of eating, sleeping, eating again, sleeping again, eating yet again....think you get the broad idea here...
4. have seen a few movies in the theatre after a long hiatus on the cinema front.

Yesterday I......
1. had a really tough time with the procedures one has to follow in this country after a minor road bump.
2. did not touch my bed time book for the first time in many days.
3. was on the phone for longer hours than usual.

Today I...
1. thought hard on what I should write on my blog.
2. have taken half a day off from work.
3. lunched twice (once at home, once out on a treat)

Next year I......
1. will definitely know what I want in life
2. will watch movies like crazy and catch up on many bygone box office hits.
3. will spend my money on a new car.

P.S : Comments like,

From tomorrow you......
1. will stop writing crap like this and bore the shit out of people

ARE NOT ALLOWED in this space. People who can't control their fingers from typing something of that description, please hit the red cross on the top right immediately.

Thursday, 3 February 2011

His Name is D-E-E-P

I have always been interested in a good number of four letter words and have wondered a lot about how the combination of a paltry four English alphabets convey huge meanings. One can take 'Life' for instance, or 'Love' (for those who've had luck with girls), or the other obvious four letter word starting with 'F' that sprang up to your filthy mind at the very mention of "four-letter-words'. All of them have intense meaning and can be associated with deep emotions. So yea, cutting the tangent, yet again, I came across this blog and thought I can violate the creative commons license for writers, by giving a small and invisible credit to him towards the end of this writing.

Coming to content, I would like to introduce to you, this person who I have known for a really really long time now and in my opinion, is the most arrogant pig that has mingled with mankind since the days of Adam, Eve and their old, respective flesh and blood.

He, works in one of the numerous IT firms that litter the IT Expressway (better known as the OMR) in Chennai and to borrow from the inspiration itself, is one of those people on this profane thing called earth, who do not have something called "Life". The owner of this thought claims that half the people on earth have a life, while the rest work in IT. Going deeper on the introduction of this piece in existence, I would like to explain from four (again four :-)) different fronts...Personal, Professional, Financial and Spiritual.

Personal: He hails from the land of Cholas, viz..Tamil Nadu and belongs to the notorious and famous community of Tambrams. His Dad is a graduate working in the Automobile Industry, while his Mom is a home-maker. His brother is another speck in the large ocean of blighters who don't have a 'life'. Or, if I have to be exact, he works for another firm down the same IT Expressway. His passions are a conundrum to himself. But he has toiled and found some inclination towards Manchester United, PG Wodehouse, Sachin Tendulkar, South Indian Food and Movies(only the ones that are critically acclaimed).

Professional: He claims to be an engineer in Electronics and a Master degree holder in Chemistry, though no points would be awarded for guessing that he is nothing more than a nowt in those/related fields. His working philosophy is 'Work hard but not hard enough to become a donkey and in the process make a lot of money'. He is fascinated by almost anything at work since he does not have professional interests of his own. To rephrase that complex one, He is not any domain specific person (leave alone a domain specific expert), to call himself as such. He was one of "that poor lot", which graduated in the middle of the "global recession" and landed in places all and sundry shattering their dreams, interests, career ambitions et al in the process.

Financial: It would be to tamper with facts, if I went ahead and said he was a cunning professional who aspires to be a billionaire. But it would be exact, if I said, he wants to live like one of them. He spends most of his money on movies, apparels and fuel. He is by and large a pessimist and he likes that fraternity solely because he doesn't have to repay any loan to anyone from the fraternity. Not that he borrows a lot though :P. He doesn't read any book to enlighten him on "how to earn quick money" or "getting rich in no time" or some such thing. But he is on the lookout for someone who has achieved that end to give him a short sermon on those lines.

Spiritual: He is not an atheist, nor is he a staunch believer and of course he is not an agnostic. He is trying to find a suitable term to explain his position in those affairs. To give a brief description, he is not among those privileged few who can give an answer to the "Does God Exist" question. But he believes there is some super natural force exists at large, somewhere in the universe.

By design or by accident, I meet this guy day in and day out and I am not able to get away with that chore and in my personal opinion, people fitting his description should be "handled with care" for the good of mankind (womankind, to be more particular).

And if you have exhibited such a nerve as to have reached this point in the post, he wishes to say 'Thank You' and 'Hats Off'.

Introducing to avid readers of this space, 'Me' (Better late than never)

P.S: Though this post should be classified under the general heading of "Of No Use whatsoever", it would be of help one day, when someone might want literature references of this 'celebrity-to-be', for some kind of biographical work of thou!

P.P.S: Due credit to the author of this idea of a blog post

P.P.P.S: And to explain why I started talking about four letter words while drafting this one, I have introduced 'DEEP' (a four letter word) to one and all!!

Wednesday, 2 February 2011

ICC should ban any references to 1983 and the Indian Cricket Team in the run up to World Cup 2011

For the good of mankind and to restore public sanity by and large, may I launch a formal request to the International Cricket Council asking them to ban the following two things in the media?
1. Any reference to the 1983 world cup victory
2. References to the chances of India winning this edition of the world cup.

It is just too tiring to see every Tom, Dick and Harry (not to mention the Bhajjis, Dhonis and Kapils) talking about India being a front-runner for world cup victory this year. The media is going all gaga over the 1983 world cup win and asking all and sundry from the Indian squad of 15 about the chances of winning the event. I wholeheartedly wish the ICC issues notices to all journalists suiting this description, at large in this country to stop working for a while, till the completion of the 2011 mega event. They should be given a quarter off and should be packed off to some place like Egypt for tourism. :P.

People seem totally off their minds when answering stupid questions during the conferences. For instance, Kapil Dev feels that the toss could hurt the Indian team's chances in this world cup. Can somebody give me a sleeping pill? He went on to say that Dhoni's win loss record as captain has been attractive at something like 78-48 while his toss record in the same set of matches looking like some 68-74 or some such number. How does it matter Kapil? Is the toss even something to talk about at this juncture? Are you hinting at some toss practice for Dhoni besides practicing with the bat and the gloves?

Aakash Chopra..who is a former Indian opener..for people who are caught unawares at this point, please check this out. Aakash who thinks India have the potential to lift the world cup this year. "I am an optimist and I believe India have the potential to win the ICC Cricket World Cup 2011." Yes sir. We realize you are an optimist and thanks for the information. It would add to our knowledge kit. Chopra who is an optimist hurray!!!!

India had a disastrous world cup in 2007 - they were dumped out of the tournament after the first stage where they lost to Bangladesh and Sri Lanka, defeating only Bermuda in the competition. So keeping these facts in mind, shall we ask the media to shut the F up and concentrate on some other important thing like the 2G or the Adarsh or the Egyptian crisis? Or if you are bent upon cricket in general, talk about the team's injury crisis and give us updates on how Sehwag/Praveen Kumar are shaping up rather than ranting about Dhoni's confidence, Tendulkar's last chance or Kapil Dev's last night's dream.

We cricket fans are here to watch it and we shall get to know what will come out of this edition, set to start in a fortnight's time. We do NOT want any predictions, speculations or forecasts about the end result whatsoever. And lastly, before I forget, is it possible to ask the ICC to ban astrologers and soothsayers for the period starting now till the end of the world cup apart from banning the list of people/communities mentioned earlier? We are tired of statements like these -- "jupiter will be transiting in 11th house from dhoni's moon sign and india's lagna"...or some such equally stupid thing.