Mallu 007

Disclaimer : I spoof a lot of things on my blog and elsewhere and this is only one of those which are totally pun intended. So I request my mallu friends to take it like a man with whiskers. I mean, in that rightly valiant spirit that defines a man. I have pieces for other states too. Leaving them for the future, he is this one on Kerala.

We do this annual trip to Sabarimala and I have been doing it for about 20 years or so. It would do injustice to my diary if a page doesn't go towards Kerala and my observations there by and large.

• Both the CPI and Congress in the state have done nothing whatsoever to make amendments to the rule that men should wear a mustache to get their name on the state census. In fact, babies born with mustaches (One happened in July, 1968) are considered true and patriotic malayalis without any additional levels of screening.
• Shaving, as a routine or time pass is more or less considered criminal and as people from civilizations like ours do not wish to commit sins by and large, they brush aside the need to shave. Last time they saw a razor is recorded around 1848, when razors were much talked about owing to the period of French Revolution.
• Talking of razors and the historical bit associated with it, school text books in Kerala have a chapter dedicated to this lethal weapon and it has been gathered from underground channels that that particular chapter is to be marked with a double star and pages highlighted with a permanent marker. The razor subject is a very important question in the state board exams.
• Jesudas is a guy who non keralites find it tough to identify though he is a famous name and all that in musical circles (not musical chairs, the circles where those oldies talk about Kalyani, Sankarabharanam and the like). Simple reason : The beard. It has triggered an identity crisis in the state.
• Malayalam is a wonderfully sexy language. My first ever crush was on a malayali girl way back in my 4th grade or something and ever since, the language flows like music in my ear when someone speaks it. I am like, I go wowwww..so cute.... when someone says something like nyaan toylet poyi ippo kazhuvi vannu. The only other language that I classify under the 'sexy' category is bengali. (My second crush was from Calcutta)
• They don't cook in Kerala. Period. Unless one considers fish, meen, karuvadu and those related things as food, that is. Nothing else is edible, including their rice (The big, thick grains that I have always found heavy to carry from plate to mouth.)
• The way they put garlic and chilli powder in all and sundry eatables in Andhra, these chicks from the Kerala kitchen like to have their servings with coconut. The dishes may categorize under 'sweet' or 'savory'. Doesn't matter much.
• The lungi is one thing that is strikingly common between the tamils and keralites. But the color in the latter's is mind boggling. They are artists by birth. I mean, that category of modern arts and the corresponding artists. With all colors and nothing else on the canvas. But there is one stark difference. They don't prefer the pattapatti (striped boxer) under the lungi unlike tamils.
• Owing to the proximity to Kerala, tamil, which is an otherwise not so beautiful language in my humble opinion, sounds sweet in Kovai and Nellai districts. But no, I have not had girl friends from those areas broadly.
• The architecture of houses and villas in Kerala are just too good and they give an optical illusion of gulf money on their facade at first look. Glittering outers, just like currency notes.
• The amount of vegetation in Kerala is second only to the amount of vegetation on the upper lips of protagonists in Wodehouse novels. Bertie's occasional vegetation pips theirs once in a while. But otherwise, Kerala has a clean record of being on the top.
• One of the many reasons why I respect Kerala as a state is the vast difference in the quality of banana chips. They are not like the ones we get from the Kerala Bakery on Usman Road. Speaking of food, Nairs there, are just too good in their chai recipe. The nairs with shops on street corners in Chennai are mere imposters.
• Kerala stays close to my heart for one more reason. That is the only other state (first one being tamil nadu) on the map of india where the alphabets 'z' and 'h' make sense in combination. As in Kozhikode and Alapuzha. No one else can say it right. One of my colleagues from Bihar is taking a crash course from me on that, but he is not a bright student and not coping too well, I should say.
• Last but not least, how can I miss the 'koooffi', 'oomane', and other similar pronunciation patterns, if you get the drift. Sweeeeet! I can give anything for those sweet syllables uttered by that hot Menon babe..I forgot her first name.

P.S : Disclaimer repeat! No offense meant. Pun intended. My malayali friends can sharpen their mustaches and give a scornful look at me if they feel hurt. But not more than that.

SouthFull

It was a windy sunday evening. I woke up from my afternoon nap, which is becoming kind of a ritual during weekends of late. A mini sandstorm had just passed by. The weather was really awesome. A perfect one for a romantic walk or something along the seashore. I streched myself and got out of bed to get the picturesque bird's eye view of the IT park nearby, from my third floor apartment. It was gratifying. I walked out to get some cool breeze coz it was one rare evening in the month of march when the temparatures usually start to soar. I walked towards the tea shop with my room mates for a cup of 'chai'-customary on a sunday evening. As I walked past the narrow lanes with the low walls that helped many couples on lazy weekends, I started to feel as if I was walking through lush green fields, enjoying the scented fresh air. I got lost in thoughts as my mind wandered. The picture of the green fields in my mind slowly made me feel nostalgic. I wondered about those small vacations to less known villages in south tamil nadu about a decade back. The village atmosphere has always interested me a lot since childhood. I was excited by the freshness in the air coz these valleys have really low pollution levels

Having spent the most part of my school life in Chennai, I have always had a liking for the serene and calm valleys in the southern countryside. I have a bucket list of things to do before i die and the first in the list is to live a year or two in a hill station running a small shop for daily bread. That sounds pretty weird for the detailing of the occupation and stuff in those couple of years. Looking up into the black sky and wondering how many stars there are in the universe, from a hill top--an out of the world feeling I would say. The most attractive thing about a hill is the fact that you see the most beautiful creations of mother nature below you--I mean, the altitude. It gives you a feel. I am running out of words to explain the beauty of it.

Avoiding the hustle and bustle of city life, one really gets to experience paradise on earth. The other thing about small towns of the south that interests me is the annual festival that happens as a custom. It is known as 'thiruvizha' in tamil and it would be a once-in-a-lifetime-experience for a city dweller. Crowds thronging the narrow street that has those exhibition stalls and the legendary eat outs-Absolutely amazing. The event is a chance for people from nearby towns and villages to spend a lazy weekend evening with their spouse and children. I have been to a couple of these melas during my earlier summer vacations. And both the times there was this light drizzle early in the evening that makes the climate really enjoyable. One can embark on a new chapter of life in these towns located on the hills and the nearby valleys. It instills a feel of romance. The ice cold fresh waterfalls in these hills have made me dumbstruck many a time. These places are fraught with the complete beauty of mother nature. I got immersed in the thoughts of the life in such places which are known to have very low population densities.

I sprang back into reality when my friend patted from behind to tell me that i had walked past the tea stall. The weather was pleasent yet. I had my regular cup of 'chai' and walked back to catch up with the weekend premier league football. It was the early kick off that i wanted to watch that day. I wanted to think a lot more about those but i ended up watching the lunch time football with the usual packet of potato chips and my mug of beer.

A Virus Called "Tamilnaduisation"

A New virus called 'Tamilnaduisation' has gained importance in the Indian political scenario of late. To go to the roots of the virus, it would take a trip back to the so called golden era during Dr. MGR's regime. It all started when the political scenario took an important turn. This period started something called 'marginalisation of mainstream parties' and 'the strengthening of regional forces'. These are essentially the two mains aspects of 'Tamilnaduisation'. It has been a very widely known fact that the vote bank politics in tamil nadu is very different from the rest of India. Voters in Tamil Nadu have been reacting to both union and state elections in a uniform manner. The discrimination between national parties and regional parties, in my opinion, needs to be a part of the voters' decision. Lack of such secerning traits has led to the reign of regional parties from the state in the national elections scenario for years.

This years's election build up is beginning to show signs of this virus spreading to a couple of northern states, notably Uttar Pradesh. The fact that BSP has got a majority of its own in the state elections signifies the most concrete consolidation of 'Tamilnaduisation'. Both NDA and UPA have been alienated by recent developments in the state. It looks very much likely that UP will imitate Tamil nadu's behaviour in the coming elections. UPA and NDA have lost the stronghold in the state due to the recent snubs from the local behemoths. The political clout in the northen region in general is shifting towards Lalu and Mayawati. It wouldn't take too long before this phenomenon leaks into other states. The main effect of such a development would be the question of the stability of strong coalitions which have formed an integral part of the last two elections in the country.

Personally, I detest such a virus from spreading across the country which would hold integrity of indian politics at stake. A far fetched conclusion from these developments would not rule out the impact that "cricket in politics" can create, synonymous to the impact of 'Tamilnaduisation'. According to recent statistics, 17 of the 27 State Cricket associations in the country have politically strong people at their top brass. Also It has been noted that movie stars who struggle and win LS seats from big tickets of the likes of Congress and BJP fail to make it to the assembly and deliver their duties after all. Govinda, recently lost his congress ticket from Uttar Pradesh on similar grounds. Regional stonghold, Influence of Cinema and Cricketing factors which threaten to reshape the way Union Leaders get elected would in a broader sense introduce two things- 'Lack of integrity in the government' and 'Granular Corruption at the state level'. Granular corruption is a topic in itself and i propose to discuss it in a later post. For now, it is something close to creation of new and smaller packets which act as sources for diversifying the roots of corruption. Now it is important for the voter to start thinking about the importance of secerning national parties from regional parties in the view of union elections. Lead India 09 is giving such tips to voters which aid the voters' decision making process. Help Yourselves!!!!