Mama Ei Sri Lanka sikuraadaa

Before starting to put pen on paper, when I named the current one, I got reminded of this post from the past and hence decided to do a decent job of clearing the air with angry readers who have been bit by such an oblique title to a personal blog post. I shall not do a Hi-Ye or Hi-Hi kinda thing to confuse one and all and will teach my sinhalese-uninitiated readers their first phrase in sinhalese before proceeding - "I am coming to Sri Lanka this Friday". That is what my title means in sinhalese. So, breathe a heavy sigh, forgive me for the encryption and sit back to digest my pre-travelogue kinda post on my vacation to Sri Lanka starting this friday.

Yes, I am going to Sri Lanka on this year's tour (we do this thing every year) during the summer vacation. And by doing that, we are on track for an amazingly new feat in the country's history by and large. Geographically speaking, Sri Lanka is a small country with a pea-shaped structure sitting merrily beneath India on the world map. Demographically, it is a scarcely populated nation. More so since a good number of inhabitants from the northern side were wiped off from the landscape recently during the war. A debate as to whether that act was right or wrong would best be left to another day. Coming to matter, the country has very few people littering its soil. And now, we are going to be the single largest party walking at large, on sri lankan soil for a good long while. Records from the shelf indicate that the most populous bunch of homo sapiens spotted on a 2 square meter patch of land in Sri Lanka is not in double digits. We are going to beat history by overgrowing the native population by a handful for about 9 days. Yes, we are about 20-25 members on the roster for this tour down south. 


The idea of making trips with such large number of asses on the flight is definitely a questionable idea. Many of my friends and acquaintances have spoken to me about the fact in private. The general consensus is that, it is a really tough job to handle such a large group in the first place and with the members of the fairer sex outnumbering the members of the other in the touring council, the idea of social discipline and community etiquette are flatly defeated. More often than not, people tend to worry about behavioral aspects of men and women in such large companies. But, for me the one single advantage that defeats all the cons of the large group affair in general, is this:

Suppose that a group of two (say husband and wife) go on a vacation. According to the cosmopolitan distribution of the technology of probability in the evolution of mankind, the probability of Person A getting bored with/pissed off with the other party (Person B) in the congregation, during the span of the trip is as high as the himalayas. Hence, when such a situation arises, the poor soul (in most cases, the husband) is left to stare at things, animals and other living beings around, so as to kill time for the rest of the tour.

Now alternatively, consider such a large group of 25 with a camouflage of age, sex, height, weight, character, facade etc, it is as clear as a glass of aquafina water that one has so many options to try out in the event of one getting pissed of with another. For instance, if perima (mom's elder sister) behaves like a flat moron and keeps talking about marriage or some such equally infernal thing day and night, one can go ahead and try to socialize with chithapa (mom's younger sister's husband) who talks about beer, alcohol, whisky, vodka and/or related things incessantly. Or for another instance, if young cousin, who is obsessed with PJ's, as a result of going to school from June to April year after year, bugs one with nasty and stinking jokes from his peers and teachers, one can go for refuge to chithi (mom's younger sister), who talks of youth or love or sex or one of those empowering things in general. One gets the broad idea here, I suppose.

So, getting back to the argument of managing to come unscathed from a tour with 20 odd white-crossed relatives along, the variety of personalities in the gang is a single and sufficient reason to prove my questioning friends and acquaintances wrong.


So many friends and colleagues who are waiting to see me off are praying to God for my safe and secure return with no change whatsoever to my inner self. In the modern and civilized world that we live in, it is an accepted fact that a man's character and inner self are quintessential for harmony and happiness of the human race. And with a tour of sorts like the one I am talking about, it is very highly probably that one loses one's mind and in turn harms one's inner self, in the end leading to the collateral damage of society by and large. So wish me luck for a lengthy ordeal with old flesh and blood which is sure to be filled with socialistic festivities, including but not restricted to 

1. consuming different varieties of species like fish, crab, whale, dolphin etc from the sea shores of colombo

2. secretive hanging out of like-aged cousins ranging from 20 to 25 at the bar parlour or tea kadai

3. late night sessions of seatu kattu (playing cards)

P.S : I shall draft a post once I am back to en iniya tamil nadu (my favorite tamil nadu) and that would be a proper travelogue covering details of places and incidents. Skeptic onlookers from my immediate friends circle who are apprehensive about my returning from the trip as my own holy self, can then evaluate the person in me, post tour! 

Adios till then!

Mysore-eh, Nanu Nale Bartha Idini

Firstly, to the Kannada challenged, Bartha means "Coming" and is not to be confused with "Barqha" (that is causing controversies elsewhere in Europe). I find such incidentally confusing words very interesting. I happened to read a blog where the writer was offering an explanation to his usage of the Telugu word "Repu". He quelled any suspicions of foul language in that context by saying "Repu" meant "Tomorrow", in case anybody thought otherwise. Tangential digress full stop. Coming to the Matter!

I will be in Mysore for two days. No, wait. Technically only about 32 hours as opposed to the 24-hour-day that our astronomers have devised based on earth's rotation (I think earth is always high on alcohol. My god. It keeps rotating all the time). I have always wanted to do the traditional "Wildlife Viewing", "Bird Watching" and the "Explore Heritage-ing" that tourists usually do at Mysore. It is also exciting to see the swords that Tipu Sultan wielded (and the artillery/small arms that Hyder Ali umm..safe guarded in the scabbards) while the mighty English were being taken on time and time again.

I have a short list of things to do. But I am not completely satisfied. If there's anything else that is worthwhile doing at Mysore, please let me know.

1. Extensive Bird watching (in the literal sense and otherwise)
2. Take the sword of Tipu Sultan a have a swipe at guides who cheat firangi tourists by weaving lengthy stories about how Tipu used to be called a "thappu"(mistake) by mistake or how in the puritan sense Hyder Ali was not an "ali" (hermaphrodite) per se or some such thing.
3. Watch animals at you-know-where (For the uninitiated, Mysore has a famous zoo)and try to spot 6 differences between this:



and this:



4. Learn a bit of Mysore Kannada (2 parts Tamil, 1 part Kannada, 1 part Telugu).

5. Explore Mysore's varied heritage by inspecting monument walls beneath a magnifying glass and its striking architectural beauty by using altimeters and levelling instruments.

And Yeah, As I am NOT going with any women squadron on this trip,the sales men at the Mysore Silk Emporiums are saved from a flurry of attackers like the one in the Jackdaws who attacked the Nazis. So they can happily do away with

1. Tough Day at Work
2. Challenging and/or non-understanding female customers
3. Lengthy conversations, but no business
4. All of the Above

P.S: Due credit is being given to Krish Ashok for an inspiration in the style of writing.