Monday, 3 May 2010

Dear Mr Joseph Vijay! Sure-Ah???? Fail

In the year 1992, Joseph Vijay...aka Ilayathalapathi(Youth Commander) Vijay, debuted as a lead actor in the movie Naalaya Theerpu(Tomorrow's Judgement). Rightly so, because the verdict was decided by then. Flop! Utter Flop! After giving a load of poor grossers to his millions of fans, he rose to fame in an anomalous Ghilli. But, slowly afterward, populace from most parts of Tamil Nadu have started wondering if he has anything at all in the place that is by and large occupied by something called the Human Brain.

I took one of the worst decisions of my life insofar while I was at Mysore last weekend. No points for guessing. The decision was to watch the movie Sura, his 5oth movie. Any normal Homo Sapien with a steadyhead would not have taken such a decision after having witnessed a few other gems like Kuruvi, Villu etc. But my wiser insticts did not prevail and unfortunately I ended up sitting in the theatre amidst a few kaili (lungi) clad, inebriated youth of Mysore. To say that those 3 hours were worse compared to my grandma's stories about Mr Yamadharmaraja deep-frying sinners in his oil container, would be to grossly understate the affairs.

The movie in layman terms was a very "different" one. Now, that would come as a shocker to people who know of Vijay quite a bit. Here goes the explanation.

Things that were different in the movie: Director, Producer, Heroine, Cinematographer, Cameraman, Editor, Light Boy etc...

Things that were NOT different in the movie: Hero, Story, Screenplay, Plot.

The movie, in simple terms can be explained thus:

for (int i=0;i=3;i++)
{
songSequenceWithDance.display();
comedyScene.play();
matrixFight.execute();
}

I am banging my head on the wall next to me as i type this and wonder what couuld have been a better choice instead of those 3 hours. A few ideas that come to my mind are as follows:
1. Search Google for 5 easy ways to commit suicide.
2.Watch this video with the repeat mode on my media player-turned on.
3. Have 10 crows caw-ing in my ears for 6 hours together and try to pen down that melody in musical notes.
4. Watch Rakhi ka Swayamvar on TV
5. Even better, watch runaway hit soaps like Kolangal, Arasi, Selvi etc.
6.Keep trying the cliche "My Name is Khan and I am not a terrorist" till i master the Kkkhhaan from my epiglottus.

Any of the above mentioned activities would have been a better choice by any standards.

Verdict: Mr Joseph Vijay can be suspended for implementing a failing formula for about a decade now. He can also me remanded to 15 days of rigorous police custody on murder charges. Ivan padangala paathu paathu, 2 maadu sethu poirukku, naalu paeruku kannu nollaya poyirukku (After having watched his latest movies, 2 cows have died and 4 people have lost their eyesight).

Fail!! Colossal Flop!! Somebody please shoot him!!

16 comments:

futbolcrazy said...

Hey sekhar..didnt expect this kinda response from a vijay fan. Unna madhiri fans ikkae idhu pudikala naa enna aavuradhu. BTW software engr innu theriyum adhukku vijay film ikku ellam coding example konjum over.

LOL @ crows caw-wing

Arjun said...

The Biggest Vijay Fan I've seen does this on his blog?...Not Fair!...Watever hapnd to u and ur Thala Vijay!!

raghu said...

Vijay's reply - "Enakku Nadikka varaadhu yaa...engappa enakku nadikka solli tharla...simbu vukku avangappa Action sonna dhan nadikka sonnaru...engappa adhayum solli tharlaiya...naan enna panradhu?"(Jodi No 1 chimbu shtyle)

Pradeep Sekhar said...

@Vikram:
4 Movies machi!! Nanum wait panni panni pathen..mudiyala...Inime Vijay fan nu sonna society la nammala thalli vechiruvangalo nu solli. indha mudiva eduthuten. :-)

raghu said...

and not to forget for god knows what he's got a doctorate!!

Pradeep Sekhar said...

@Raghu:

Seriously machan!! I was actually thinking of a way to address Mr. Vijay Legally speaking, Dr. Vijay is how I should have started. But that would have been a gross disrespect to the doctorate degree per se. Hence decided to use the informal Dear - For the title of my post

Pradeep Sekhar said...

@Arjun:
Biggest is a wrongly chosen superlative at this juncture. Please refrain from such usages. I have had a slightlish inclination- Agreed. But there is a saturation point to anything and everything. Now i declare, that guy has no brains

Madan Chander said...

Extreeeeemmmmeeee !!!

Pradeep Sekhar said...

@Madan:

Completely Atrocious massacre of tamil movie goers!!! They've given a movie that can be considered worse than Glen or Glenda, Robot Monster, The Giant Claw, The Hottie and the Nottie, Kuruvi, Villu, Asal, Anjaneya, Janaa etc..

Sharath said...

hey c'mon pradeep..for god's sake dont mock at his doctorate degree. It was conferred to him for his charity works and its got nothing to do with movies. He has been doing charity and stuff for quite some time now. Though you may associate it with his political ambitions, he does deserve the credit for his charity works.

Pradeep Sekhar said...

@Sharath:
Dude one can do charity and not get the recognition and praise for doing it..exactly the way Mr. Ajith Kumar does it. It is not required that you show off what you do. So the doctorate is plastic. In today's world, it is something you can buy!!!

Raring Roadster said...

15 days is too little for Vijay. 15 years would be a lot better. At least he wont act till then..

Sharath said...

@Pradeep: He may do it for fame or name but he is doing it and that shouldn't be ridiculed. A person who deserves a doctorate may have not got it..But a person who doesn't deserve it will never get it. Maybe "Mr." Ajith Kumar deserves it, but that doesn't imply vijay doesn't deserve it.

Pradeep Sekhar said...

@Vyas:
Yea...15 years would do a lot of good to mankind

Harini Padmanabhan said...

I really dint think any one in their right senses would attempt to watch vijay movie. Good post though. :)

Pradeep Sekhar said...

@Harini:
Thanks!! And yes, i was not using any of my senses when i decided to go to the theatre for that movie!!!Sigh!!